Certainly, you have experienced human energy. The shift when someone enters the room; either lighting it up or bringing it down. A person’s mood can cause a domino effect. The words we speak project our energy out into the environment, affecting those who receive them. Human energy is vital, alive, penetrating, and of great consequence. Anyone who has been in a long term relationship knows how a person affects a partner, for better or for worse. Those aren’t just empty vows. They are an energetic covenant which binds the intentions and actions of two souls together.
Even the small, daily, and passive actions cause shifts in the environment, including the people in it. It is important to be aware of what energy is affecting us and to proactively protect our own energy. An observation, most people are oblivious to energy exchange and go along being affected without the awareness to choose how to interact with other people’s energies. Our body language communicates the subtleties that we feel even when unaware. Sometimes we create distance when we are uncomfortable or cross our arms in a protective stance. If someone has positive, attractive energy, we may feel drawn to be closer to them or even touch them.
It’s important to realize that every person whom you allow to make physical contact with you is either drawing from your energy or depositing their own energy onto you, sometimes both. It affects your energy, your mental function, and even your physical body in some direct ways. Be wise, consider your own wellbeing. Learn ways to energetically protect your mind and body. Decide who may touch you, when, and how. Remember how powerful your own energy is and nurture it.
It happened sooner than I expected. If I’m honest, everyone expected it. Maybe it wasn’t sooner, but actually, long overdue. It’s somehow like having a houseplant in the window that you’ve watched slowly die over many years. At first, it was beautiful, alive, and brought you joy when you looked at it. Over time, it began to fade for a variety of reasons. Regular care became occasional splashes of water that might give it a little perking up but never actually nourished it. As it faded, you drew the blinds to hide the painful truth. The lack of sunlight and fresh air from the outside only allowed it to wilt more. At some point, you realized it was dead and unsalvageable. So, you kept the blinds closed, you quit attempting to water it at all, and you just accepted that it was lost. Yet, you left it there because you couldn’t bring yourself to throw it away. If you looked at it, you would remember fondly how beautiful it once was and how it made you feel when it bloomed. Sure, it only bloomed a handful of times but while it was still green you embraced the hope that it could bloom again. The more it faded the more foolish that hope felt and at some point, you traded hope for reminiscing. You stopped looking to the future and just wouldn’t let go of the past. Until the moment came, someone threw open the window, knocking the plant out of your reach and it shattered on the floor. The dry, exhausted plant laid shriveled up on the floor, roots exposed, surrounded by dirt too deep to just brush away, and shattered pieces of the beautiful pottery that once contained its essence now looking like total devastation.
I take in a deep breathe that feels like it’s crushing my soul in such a tight space in my chest. In this moment, I realize I am the plant. My world is shattered around me. The dirt is everywhere, too deep to even see through at this point. My roots lie in the open, forcing me to see every wound that contributed to the rot of my foundation. What was once alive, cared for, wanted, and beautiful, is a shadow of the past and resembles an identity that doesn’t look anything like the truth of the seed it grew from. I remember the seed. I look up at the ceiling and know I have to clean up this mess. Just for today, I will not worry about tomorrow, or think about yesterday, because I’ve been there for so long that I missed this moment for far too long. So long in fact, that the end of forever came suddenly, so it seems.
Before we lay 2023 to rest, I want to tell a little story. Have you ever wondered what hopes and dreams your ancestors had for you? Have you ever thought about what hopes and dreams you have for your lineage that comes after you?
This story could go back for centuries, into the beginning of time. To keep it relevant and relatable, we will only go back to the early 1900’s. It’s important to start with a simple fact; both of my parents were adopted. The story of my paternal grandfather and paternal grandmother could be a book or even a soap opera. Both of these individuals were married and had families. Yet, they shared a love story that is something truly wild and mostly left to the imagination. I do wish they were alive to tell the story in their own words. I did meet my biological paternal grandmother, but I never met my biological paternal grandfather. Sadly, I have no depth of knowing either of them or any personal conversation to contribute. What I do know is that despite having spouses and families, these two produced four biological children of their own. To my knowledge, they were never together in relationship and their long-term affair was somehow overlooked while they remained in their marriages. What a scandalous heritage! The point is, there is a story of forbidden love, a repeated return to something passionate, and in a time when divorce was not so common – a moral taboo too great to even speak of, all on this one branch of my family tree.
Fast forward a few decades and you’ll find me in my awkward adolescent years. I was the new kid at another new school, but I was quick to make new friends. One friend in particular just happens to be in the right place at the right time and discovers an amazing connection; we are actually cousins! When I think about the odds that we would both end up at that school at the same time, become friends, and make this discovery, it blows my mind! I think we would have been friends no matter what, but learning we were cousins added a very special seasoning to the recipe. We weren’t just any number down the line kind of cousins, but first cousins. My dad and his dad had the same dad- whoa! They didn’t grow up as brothers or even know the other existed. Similarly, we didn’t grow up as cousins or have any of that family roots kind of connection. In fact, we have no common family practically speaking. Although we are technically, biologically related to many of the same people, there is no relationship shared among us all. That’s another very unique aspect of our connection.
The most incredible thing to me is the spiritual connection we share. Throughout the many years of our adult lives, we have often met at the same crossroads and navigated a path together. A couple of times he has been my beacon in a storm, and I hope that I’ve at least been a true friend when he needed one. We’ve shared our gifts through dreams and discernment with many hours of discussion. I believe that so much of my personal, emotional, and spiritual growth has bloomed because I have this reflective soul in friendship who sees me and understands me in such a deep way. As if that’s not already the most amazing gift, he married a fantastic woman who has become one of my best friends and mirrors these qualities too. Their union is such a blessing and I have two best friends who’s intellectual, emotional, and spiritual depth reveal to me a glimpse of what human connection is meant to be. For that I am so grateful.
This is where the story comes full circle. My grandparents might well have had little foresight about the consequences of their actions. Maybe they didn’t care, or felt they had no options, or maybe they hoped for the best despite their failings as most parents do. I wonder if they ever could have imagined where we’d be today. Somehow, I believe, there is so much passion and purpose packed into our DNA that it brought together two souls meant to journey together. Maybe all of our connections are potentially just as powerful. Maybe we really do create reality and attract what is meant for us. Or maybe all good stories just have twists and coincidences. What do you think?
In just a few hours, the time change begins another shift and a new cycle. Sometimes as we are “springing ahead” or “falling back” I wonder if there will be a day that it no longer happens. Every year there is talk about ending the time change. The history around it is unpleasant. Losing sleep or adjusting either direction is challenging. It’s just another thing we do because we’ve always done it.
If I’ve learned anything, it’s that continuing any action solely because it’s already in place is an absolutely ridiculous reason to do anything. I’ve seen many things fall apart due to unwillingness to change course. Life requires change. Nature gives us seasons. Life requires adapting. We are part of something so much bigger than a moment or a singular understanding.
Letting go is hard. Not always, but sometimes it’s an act of compassion to release and allow the cycles of nature to shape what will be. If you’re not letting go now, you will be. That is life. The best thing we can do is embrace change, lean into what is growing or new, and be part of something greater than this moment. Someday it will all be just a memory.
A comforting scripture reference from my earliest childhood memories taught me that God keeps no record of our wrongs. From the silly mistakes to the outright rebellion, all is forgivable in God’s eyes. What a truly incredible concept. People certainly do not have that superpower. People often don’t forgive, and they never forget.
I’m blessed with a curse, some might say, in that I have the ability to see people through the eyes of Love. I know it’s a gift, but it sure has stirred up some people throughout my lifetime. I’m quick to forgive. I believe in reconciliation. I understand that a person is not defined by thoughts or actions alone.
So then, how do we handle the greatest of offenses? How do we live with what we can’t forget? My energy isn’t usually matched in willingness to let go and carry on when I value a relationship. I’ve even found myself caught in a triangle where two opposing parties won’t budge and so I end up hurt because any choice I make will cause friction. Man, it’s a painful place to live.
Lately, I’ve been thinking more about how the past is permanent. The words that have been said can’t be unsaid. Choices and actions, once committed, permanently alter the path forward. Of course, a change in direction is always possible. Yet, what’s done is done. We can hold on tight and allow it to dictate our existence. Or we can let go and make room for what could be.
In relationships, love trumps pain, if we embrace love. Sadly, some people are married to pain. Maybe there’s unhealed trauma blocking the road to forgiveness. Maybe pride won’t open the gate. Any obstacle in your mind is only keeping you from healing yourself and your relationships. Don’t let that be your story. Someday, you’ll be long gone but your story can bring healing in generations to come.
It has become apparent to me, as I’ve gained the sort of insight that comes with age, that competition is vanity. In most categories, the act of competing against someone else is only to the end of assigning an arbitrary status of greater than or less than. It is also apparent to me that the value of dominating over others is superficial, where the value of personal mastery is great.
If you’re going to do a thing, do it well. Incompetence is rampant and much business is conducted by people who have no business doing so. I hold to the value that people should be doing what they are most passionate about, but until they are able to acquire that level of accomplishment, they should do well at whatever they are responsible for doing.
There is one thing that each and every person should master and that is knowing the self. I believe the Greeks were accredited with the slogan “Know Thyself” but it’s a rather universal and basic pillar. Yet so many people slide through life without really knowing, understanding, or accepting their personal experience. In fact, we seek outward in others what can be learned directly in our own very capable experience. Human beings are primed to learn through sensory exploration, as evidenced by the natural, unaided development of the first years of life. A baby will learn to eat, walk, talk, and begin to behave according to expectations and social norms without any prescription of systematic instruction. Our minds are quite incredible.
My aim is to provide insight and tools to help others on their journeys of personal mastery. Teaching embodiment is foundational to the level of self-acceptance necessary for true personal growth. In two weeks, I am hosting a Personal Mastery Workshop which will be both educational and hands-on. I welcome you to come and join us in opening your mind to get to know your-self.
In a morning conversation today, a wise woman gave me the reminder that human beings, by nature, are tribal and rooted in relationship. I was in thought about how to plan my writing in a way that had the most value and was contemplating how relationships are central to the way we live. Quite often, our identity is deeply woven into the relationships we value. We take on names and titles like mother, wife, and _____ member. No single role title defines who we are, but it certainly gives shape to the greater image we bear.
How I show up to my relationships matters. Conflict is within the realm of relationship. Certainly, on my own I do not need conflict because I can do what I want to do. It’s when the ideas or expectations of others impose on my autonomy that conflict arises. So, in application, conflict is a tool for the shaping of my character. How I receive it, process it, and react to it will always leave an impression on my life and the lives which are entangled with me in that conflict.
You can’t show up in relationships unhealed without exposing others to your pain. You also can’t gain the greatest benefits from relationship until you are whole and able to give and receive without conditions. Yet, we always grow in light of the growing pains in relationship. In other words, the need for repair in relationship triggers mending of the self. If we are blessed with support, that mending reaches a deep, personal level that goes beyond the surface of the connection we are investing in.
Do the work. Heal the parts of you that long to be part of the whole. Integrate yourself so that you can show up and lead others into their greatest journeys. Allow yourself to be lead, through meaningful learning, by others who have walked where you are before you. Embrace connection for all it gives and be willing to show up for your tribe in ways that uplift the lowest and uphold the highest values.
I’m going to take you on a journey through the topic of relationships and help you find your healing. Stay connected for more.
“She is a wild, tangled forest with temples and treasures concealed within.” – John Mark Green
It was the beginning of December, an end in itself. I was in the hustle and bustle of a high school basketball tournament in Indianapolis. The Pacer Athletic Center has eight courts which were all active with games all at once. Every squeaking shoe, dribbled ball, yelling teammates and coaches, whistles, buzzers, cheering fans by the hundreds; pure noise, amplified. It’s enough to make your head pound, your ears hurt, and you find total exhaustion after many hours. Still, somehow, when you get into a game all the noise blends together and you can get so in the moment and be present court side for your team.
That’s where I was, completely absorbed into a game for the varsity girls, when my healing journey brought me to a new, deeper level of spiritual awakening. I had no idea that basketball could yield a spiritual experience. It can be emotional to watch a game when you are connected to the players. There is tangible energy in the flow of teamwork, success, and setbacks. Certainly other parents and fans can relate to feeling a rush of joy when points are scored or the frustration when a skilled opponent gets the gain. On this particular day, something much deeper stirred in my soul as I watched 10 young women fight for a victory on the court.
There was a distinct moment when I did not see us versus them. The colors of the uniforms didn’t matter and the numbers on the score board were irrelevant. I realized I was surrounded by, and affected by, pure feminine potential. This isn’t to discount the boys in any way. Rather, it’s personal and profound that I recognized and tapped into the energy of what these young women are doing. I’ve been walking out a part of my own journey where I am facing and dealing with some childhood attachment issues and inner child wounds. I had once thought that I had adequately dealt with these layers until I recognized that you can remodel an entire house but the foundation remains and it will need a little work from time to time.
In the weeks before this moment, I recognized that I was grieving. I did not want to be, but I needed to release the pain and that’s what grieving does. I was grieving losses; of people, relationships, broken dreams, missed opportunities, and most of all parts of my identity that I had either sacrificed or never realized. Heavy stuff.
Grief, doubt, insecurity, and all the negative emotions we carry are not visible. On a basketball court, even the least confident player appears poised and capable to the average onlooker. As I watched the girls playing their hearts out, I saw confidence, intelligence, grace, assurance, dedication, and real, raw beauty. Honestly, I saw so much more than words can describe. They were flawless. They possessed the spirit of divine potential. For the first time in my conscious awareness I scanned a crowd and thought, “This is how God sees people.” I felt an overflowing of love and care for these beautiful ladies and there was not a shadow of doubt in my mind that they can do anything they desire.
I wished that they could feel for themselves what I was feeling for them in that moment. Connecting with my own inner child has revealed to me that I often felt I wasn’t loved for who I am so much as for what I could do or provide for others. So, I hid away the parts of me that were unlovable or unwanted. I created a version of me that made people happy, and I played the role of the people pleaser to keep from making waves. I allowed stagnant water by damning up my potential where there was meant to be a mighty, rushing river. Now, I look around and can see others who have done the same. Healing might require clearing away the sticks and logs a little at a time. Imagine what might happen to the world if we would free up and flow in the divine potential we were created with. If only we would get in the game of life like these ladies do on the basketball court.
“In a time of universal deceit – telling the truth is a revolutionary act.” George Orwell
I’ve used four short pages to skip a stone across the surface of two decades of life experience and discovery. I could talk for hours in more depth about the particulars that have led me to some of these thoughts. My purpose in this season is simply to introduce some ideas so that someone might have their lightbulb turned on and someone else might find a companion of like mind on a strange and lonely journey into the truth.
Maybe like I once was, you have found certain truths illuminated and you are trying to navigate between what you thought you knew and what you now know. Maybe you are a little further down the trail and picking the wild flowers of truth that are popping up on either side of the path you are walking. At this point, I hope this series has encouraged you to seek truth and accept the possibility of changing your mind when you find it. I hope you at least comprehend that there are corrupt systems everywhere that do not have your best interest or mine at heart. I hope you understand, know, and believe that you are full of potential, you possess everything you need to heal and thrive. You might need a little help finding it inside of you or some inspiration to create what you were meant to create; that’s okay.
Here is the final Truth, which isn’t so hard to believe but has a lot of hard work and effort behind it to make it reality. Change is on the horizon. The old systems that have secured the blindfold on so many are being exposed and are falling away from those who seek and behold truth. There is a better way. People are incredible creations with passion, purpose, and potential for so much! A lot of us got lost along the way, buried under hurt and trauma. Now some of us have been through the process of healing and finding truth so that we can lift others up and spread hope and love to the world again.
For me, the most positive change was letting go of the expectations (and labels) of others. If you know my story, you know that I am a counselor with extensive training and multiple degrees. At times I have questioned if I wasted much time and money. Yet, I know that everything is useful for learning and growing as a person and professionally. So when I made the decision to not follow through with testing for my LPC (License in Professional Counseling) it was a huge mental battle. I had been taught (brainwashed) to believe that the only good counselor was the one with the right credentials. I spent too much time over the years deciding what those credentials should be for me, earning certifications and credits towards my best laid plans. In fact, I have the degrees and skills for both LPC and MFT credentialling. My heart knew better than to stay on that path. I knew I would be restricted from practicing what I believe and ultimately burn out. It took time, networking, more education – a lot of the self-lead kind, and talking with God to understand what my direction and purpose is. I chose to become a Life Coach. For me, this was the path to freedom for my passion and leading others into freedom as well. No diagnosis, no medication, no dependency on me to fix lives, but the position to share my story and skills and help others in their journeys of healing and learning to live in peace and joy. This is my Why I do what I do.
Let me tell you something amazing about my journey. I’m not just a counselor; I’m an encourager, a hope dealer, a healer and guide, an inspirer, a truth seeker, a networker, a speaker, and a Coach. Helping others to find their voice and healing has come from me finding my own. Sharing on such a deep level has opened doors because my passion flows. I am happy in life and I love my work. I want everyone to feel this way.
I am a psychodynamic Coach. I help people with the broken connections in their lives. Often, that means working through emotional pain, past trauma, and into forgiveness. There isn’t much I haven’t encountered in the many years I’ve been doing this. Sometimes though, there is something I am not meant to walk through with you. Sometimes I am simply not the right person you need. If that is the case, I will help you get to your next destination. Connection is my thing, if you didn’t notice. I have an amazing network of associates and acquaintances who compliment what I do in their own unique ways. As I’ve released this series, I have showcased some of them for you on social media. I want people to know that there are options. I’m not against therapy when it is needed. I do feel that it’s overprescribed and often mismanaged. So many people I’ve worked with have told me they have been in therapy for 15, 20, 30+ years with no results! This usually comes after a couple weeks of working together and they have an amazing breakthrough. Some people are shocked when coaching causes shifts that they didn’t know possible. Shifts, growth, and positive change are part of the process. That’s what coaching can do for you. If you are feeling stuck, and maybe you’ve tried therapy but didn’t really need that method, I believe whole-hearted that coaching can change your life.
Part 4
This is part 4 of a 4 part series that will be released in November & December 2021.
If you enjoyed this topic series and want to know more, look for a new series about life coaching and therapeutic options, coming soon!
The thing about betrayal is there must be some level of trust and moral expectation in order for it to be betrayed. That kind of hurt comes with shock or surprise. It is sobering, a let down from how you previously viewed someone. It is the misuse of trust that comes from giving something of yourself with the expectation that the part of you will be honored.
Recently, I was betrayed when someone stole my intellectual property. I had trusted this person to collaborate with me and had intended to work together in a business relationship. That did not happen and instead this person abused my trust, copied my writing, and used my business ideas for personal gain. Have you ever heard “Copying is flattery”? The sentiment insinuates that you have inspired someone so that they want to model after what you do. I suppose that to inspire someone to do something similar would be a nice gesture. However, when they take your literal words it does not feel flattering at all. It’s dirty.
I want to approach this with sage wisdom. It’s something I am learning to do in this season of life. In fact, I am being taught how to “retrain my brain” in a new way. I often teach others how to retrain the brain, a phrase I’ve used for years, and it’s exciting to learn new skills that I hope to share with others soon. So despite how it FEELS to be used for content, I choose to accept that my work is good enough to be admired. Despite the direct plagiarism and it’s moral indications, I choose to accept that my written words are only an outpouring of my ideas and personality, therefore my value is more than words. I choose curiosity about how I can move forward with the knowledge that I have a good foundation and I am ready for the adventure of the next chapter.
I can remember a time when obstacles made me stop. I would often get stuck trying to rationalize things that happened and therefore were in the past now. In this season of life, I am empowered to find the gift in any obstacle I encounter. I have some powerful mentors to thank for such a perspective. Are you getting stuck at obstacles in the road? Or do you have the creativity to climb or move them? You don’t have to do it alone. Reach out if you want to connect for support. I’m happy to help.
Mellow Moment Holistic Wellness 