It has become apparent to me, as I’ve gained the sort of insight that comes with age, that competition is vanity. In most categories, the act of competing against someone else is only to the end of assigning an arbitrary status of greater than or less than. It is also apparent to me that the value of dominating over others is superficial, where the value of personal mastery is great.
If you’re going to do a thing, do it well. Incompetence is rampant and much business is conducted by people who have no business doing so. I hold to the value that people should be doing what they are most passionate about, but until they are able to acquire that level of accomplishment, they should do well at whatever they are responsible for doing.
There is one thing that each and every person should master and that is knowing the self. I believe the Greeks were accredited with the slogan “Know Thyself” but it’s a rather universal and basic pillar. Yet so many people slide through life without really knowing, understanding, or accepting their personal experience. In fact, we seek outward in others what can be learned directly in our own very capable experience. Human beings are primed to learn through sensory exploration, as evidenced by the natural, unaided development of the first years of life. A baby will learn to eat, walk, talk, and begin to behave according to expectations and social norms without any prescription of systematic instruction. Our minds are quite incredible.
My aim is to provide insight and tools to help others on their journeys of personal mastery. Teaching embodiment is foundational to the level of self-acceptance necessary for true personal growth. In two weeks, I am hosting a Personal Mastery Workshop which will be both educational and hands-on. I welcome you to come and join us in opening your mind to get to know your-self.
Happy Autumn Blessings! This is absolutely my favorite time of the year, for many reasons. I love the cooler weather and the beautiful colors of nature. For me, this is a slow down time every year. The busyness of summer has fizzled out and the bustle of the holiday season hasn’t quite taken off. It is an atmosphere of peace and contentment.
This year in particular, I am welcoming the slow-down of October. There has been a lot going on! We purchased our forever home and did a complete renovation of this little farmhouse. (It’s still a work in progress.) I expanded my business and now have a local studio location for Bodywork. (Have you checked out that tab yet?) I headed many community projects as I’ve been absorbing myself in the local rural area where we’ve chosen to settle down. Including starting a digital newspaper, which is in large part why my blog has been so quiet all summer. Writing and editing a newspaper takes a chunk of time each week! I also birthed another dream as a branch of my business in Whole Well Women and we just wrapped up the completion of our first ever women’s conference!
To say the least, I’ve been busy. I don’t recommend doing everything you possibly can in life all at once. It’s exhausting! I am ambitious and I took the bargain of a season of hustle to bring me to the point where I can hopefully step back and nurture these things with much less stress. I am incredibly proud of myself for pulling through this year. I know, it isn’t over yet. I still have a book to publish that took a back seat for a while and I am returning to my commitment of regular publishing here. This serves as an update to catch you up on all that’s been pulling me away and let you know, I’m back!
So much more is coming soon! If you haven’t heard it lately, let me remind you- pursue your passions! Create your dreams and show up for your life- the one you really want.
Everywhere from social media to mainstream media, people are talking about trauma. Like no other time in history, we have access to an abundance of trauma-informed care options that range from self-help to professional help. Even the term, trauma-informed, is a cultural norm in 2022. So where did all this trauma come from? Are there really so many people with trauma?
Traditionally, trauma was viewed as a major, life-altering, negative event. War, natural disaster, death, loss, divorce, abuse, etc. were all the well-known causes of trauma. Today, it seems like anything can be considered traumatic depending on what definition you apply to it. There is some truth to this. How we experience an event can mean much more than the event itself. That’s why a group of people can go through the same disaster and come out with very different effects. Yet, if state-of-mind determines if something is traumatic, then being stuck in trauma response would logically create more trauma with new situations. Seems like quite the cycle.
When I embarked on my journey as a counselor over a decade ago, my vantage point was a trauma-informed therapist. My own life story contains the pain which lead to me wanting to help others. Not only did I have first-hand experience, but I trained and studied in the various theories and modalities that would help me to help others the way I had been helped. At some point along the way, as trauma became a mainstream concept, I started to pull back from seeking out the trauma in others. Honestly, it is overwhelming to be aware of and intimately involved in the pain and healing process of others.
Recently, I have come to accept that the things which were healed in me, still exist in me. Even though triggers lost their power and coping was replaced by understanding, I am shaped by my experiences. Both the undoing and the rebuilding are mine. Life takes me through cycles where I find a sensitivity, I deconstruct the ideology which is causing me pain, I heal and define my own understanding, and I use it to help the next soul who is brought my way. Today, like so many years ago, my passion to heal the world starts with healing a newly uncovered part of me.
“In a time of universal deceit – telling the truth is a revolutionary act.” George Orwell
I’ve used four short pages to skip a stone across the surface of two decades of life experience and discovery. I could talk for hours in more depth about the particulars that have led me to some of these thoughts. My purpose in this season is simply to introduce some ideas so that someone might have their lightbulb turned on and someone else might find a companion of like mind on a strange and lonely journey into the truth.
Maybe like I once was, you have found certain truths illuminated and you are trying to navigate between what you thought you knew and what you now know. Maybe you are a little further down the trail and picking the wild flowers of truth that are popping up on either side of the path you are walking. At this point, I hope this series has encouraged you to seek truth and accept the possibility of changing your mind when you find it. I hope you at least comprehend that there are corrupt systems everywhere that do not have your best interest or mine at heart. I hope you understand, know, and believe that you are full of potential, you possess everything you need to heal and thrive. You might need a little help finding it inside of you or some inspiration to create what you were meant to create; that’s okay.
Here is the final Truth, which isn’t so hard to believe but has a lot of hard work and effort behind it to make it reality. Change is on the horizon. The old systems that have secured the blindfold on so many are being exposed and are falling away from those who seek and behold truth. There is a better way. People are incredible creations with passion, purpose, and potential for so much! A lot of us got lost along the way, buried under hurt and trauma. Now some of us have been through the process of healing and finding truth so that we can lift others up and spread hope and love to the world again.
For me, the most positive change was letting go of the expectations (and labels) of others. If you know my story, you know that I am a counselor with extensive training and multiple degrees. At times I have questioned if I wasted much time and money. Yet, I know that everything is useful for learning and growing as a person and professionally. So when I made the decision to not follow through with testing for my LPC (License in Professional Counseling) it was a huge mental battle. I had been taught (brainwashed) to believe that the only good counselor was the one with the right credentials. I spent too much time over the years deciding what those credentials should be for me, earning certifications and credits towards my best laid plans. In fact, I have the degrees and skills for both LPC and MFT credentialling. My heart knew better than to stay on that path. I knew I would be restricted from practicing what I believe and ultimately burn out. It took time, networking, more education – a lot of the self-lead kind, and talking with God to understand what my direction and purpose is. I chose to become a Life Coach. For me, this was the path to freedom for my passion and leading others into freedom as well. No diagnosis, no medication, no dependency on me to fix lives, but the position to share my story and skills and help others in their journeys of healing and learning to live in peace and joy. This is my Why I do what I do.
Let me tell you something amazing about my journey. I’m not just a counselor; I’m an encourager, a hope dealer, a healer and guide, an inspirer, a truth seeker, a networker, a speaker, and a Coach. Helping others to find their voice and healing has come from me finding my own. Sharing on such a deep level has opened doors because my passion flows. I am happy in life and I love my work. I want everyone to feel this way.
I am a psychodynamic Coach. I help people with the broken connections in their lives. Often, that means working through emotional pain, past trauma, and into forgiveness. There isn’t much I haven’t encountered in the many years I’ve been doing this. Sometimes though, there is something I am not meant to walk through with you. Sometimes I am simply not the right person you need. If that is the case, I will help you get to your next destination. Connection is my thing, if you didn’t notice. I have an amazing network of associates and acquaintances who compliment what I do in their own unique ways. As I’ve released this series, I have showcased some of them for you on social media. I want people to know that there are options. I’m not against therapy when it is needed. I do feel that it’s overprescribed and often mismanaged. So many people I’ve worked with have told me they have been in therapy for 15, 20, 30+ years with no results! This usually comes after a couple weeks of working together and they have an amazing breakthrough. Some people are shocked when coaching causes shifts that they didn’t know possible. Shifts, growth, and positive change are part of the process. That’s what coaching can do for you. If you are feeling stuck, and maybe you’ve tried therapy but didn’t really need that method, I believe whole-hearted that coaching can change your life.
Part 4
This is part 4 of a 4 part series that will be released in November & December 2021.
If you enjoyed this topic series and want to know more, look for a new series about life coaching and therapeutic options, coming soon!
I’ve been through the growth process of encountering truth a few times in my life. First, there is an encounter with a new idea. Second, there is an awareness of the authenticity that is truth. Third, there is the turmoil of cognitive dissonance. Fourth, there comes an acceptance of the truth which sparks great motivation. (For some, the process ends at step four with rejecting the truth.) Fifth, there is a decluttering and organizing process that takes place as old ideas and new ideas are questioned in light of the new truth. This is where there is some letting go of what no longer suites my reality and some embracing of new concepts that seem to fit just right and feel like they’ve been known all along. Finally, there is a time of peace and joy that comes with encountering truth.
I have found that each time something new and true is encountered, the process becomes easier as it grows more familiar. At first the process feels very much like a process and each step can unfold in a very calculated and thoughtful way. At some point, that spiritual sense is stronger and the process is more like a quick flow of simply acknowledging the truth and welcoming it home. Intuition is a muscle that grows stronger with regular exercise.
I invested a lot of years into “higher education” learning skills and gaining understanding of the human mind. My path was a winding road rather than a straight line. Along the way I learned a lot about life, about education, and about what it means to be successful. I learned much more from people and experiences than anything I learned from books. And you should know I am an avid reader who loves books.
When I completed graduate school and stepped into the clinical world, I learned some hard truths. Simply put, I learned that the clinical world was not for me. So much that I encountered created moral conflict for me. I will go deeper on that in the next article. I also learned that, like most industries, the mental health arena is highly guarded, highly regulated, and it is an exclusive club. The price of membership is high; it will cost your moral and ethical dedication to boards of so-called experts who are governed by the same system that uses witchcraft, mind-control, and the love of money to guide all decisions.
I titled this Hard Truths for a reason. Accepting that last revelation was the beginning of my freedom. With an open mind, it can be yours too.
Part 2
This is part 2 of a 4-part series that will be released in November & December 2021. Part 1 introduces the topic of cognitive dissonance and the foundational truth that not everything is as it seems. Part 2 develops the process of accepting truth and the personal revelations that became apparent to me once I sought truth.
The moment inspiration hits it can shift everything forward. It’s like a pulse of energy that is carried on the wind of motivation. Sometimes the wait for such inspiration is long and the search is dry. If you can relate to this, you might be one of us.
I choose to believe that everything holds purpose and value. So the intrinsic searching and sometimes unpleasant personal growth I have encountered over the last couple of years must be full of potential. A recent moment brought some of that potential to fulfillment for me. In a deeply emotional conversation about purpose there was a word that formed in my mind suddenly; creatives. That word illuminated as though someone had flipped a switch and lit it up.
To give context, I have spent significant time in recent years studying new and deeper concepts around business and marketing. I find value in being both educated and current in what people are seeking. After all, it is people which I serve. I hit a wall in defining exactly who I serve. For many years I have worked in roles in which I serve many different people with many different issues. That has been productive and rewarding. Still, there are certain relationships and contexts in which my strengths produce great results. In other words, there are many things I can do but there are certain things which when I do it fuels my passion. That’s where I want to be. That’s where I want everyone to be. So as I was pondering how to define the type of person who I am most enabled to help, I found the inspiration of Creatives.
So, what exactly is a “creative”? That is what I wondered. Like all good millennials, I asked Google. I was very impressed with the explanation given by Jeff Goins (direct link: https://goinswriter.com/what-is-a-creative ) it follows:
“So, what is a creative? A creative is an artist. Not just a painter or musician or writer. She is someone who sees the world a little differently than others. A creative is an individual. He is unique, someone who doesn’t quite fit into any box. Some think of creatives as iconoclasts; others see them as rebels. Both are quite apt. A creative is a thought leader. He influences people not necessarily through personality but through his innate gifts and talents.”
I love the way that explanation flows. Thank you Mr. Goins, I couldn’t have said it better myself! This touches the heart of what I have been searching for. I know that I am best equipped to help others who are similar to myself because I can walk with you and lead you through places I have been. However, in my analyzing I kept coming up with things I had experienced or knowledge I have obtained that just didn’t define me or anyone else quite deep enough. Now I have a better picture. I know that the people who I work with are the stuck creatives. The artist in heart and soul who possesses something beautiful to leave a mark on the world, whether it’s the world of one or many. It’s the person who has a mix of nature and nurture; natural skills and talents and the touch of trauma that is holding something back. The person with a drive of passion but is looking for direction or guidance on how to tap into it.
Education is a great help. Skills and knowledge are tools. Still, it’s authenticity and knowing who I am that empowers me to see and know who you really are, and help you to see it too.
Are your relationships based on roles or are they an investment of your life?
A common thought is that relationships require us to be something. Certain images come up about what a mother looks like, what a teacher looks like, what a nurse looks like, and so on. Often when we choose a role our relationships begin and end within the context of what those beliefs are about the role’s purpose. We hear stories from the media about exceptional people who act in bravery or kindness which took them far beyond the role they play. This is the way we fall in line. We are told what to expect and then we act within those expectations.
I wasn’t made to fall in line; neither were you. What do we miss when we accept acting out a role in life? We miss relationships. Relationship requires an investment of who I am. It reaches the reason for my roles. For a nurse, her role may be as simple as running your IV and keeping a record of your vitals. Her reason may be a deep love for humanity and this is how she contributes to caring for the hurt and scared. For a teacher, his role may be to follow a curriculum and keep track of your progress. His reason may be that he believes in your potential. Can you see how different outcomes might be if we allow our reasons to become passions instead of just filling roles?
I want to speak to mothers and fathers. Parenting might be the most common role we share. With rare exceptions, every human being is equipped biologically to parent a child and the great majority do so. Why we do this varies more than any other role. Some parents fall into this role by lack of planning. Some are influenced by family, their own childhood, the pressures of society, a need to nurture, a desire to give and receive love, and the potential reasons here are infinite. How we do this role of parenting varies even more. It seems to be that everyone has their own priorities in parenting and many feel strongly to share their own priorities to other parents.
Are we falling into a role as parents? Someone reading this can relate to feeling disconnected from their own parent. Maybe you had a “good childhood” by most standards; your needs were met. Mom cooked your supper, drove you to practice, loved you when you were ill. Dad taught you to drive, or to play a sport, he directed your discipline and paid your allowance. They filled the roles they felt they were subject to. Of course, many childhood stories deviate in other directions and this is just one example. These parents will say that these activities are an investment of their time and energy; yes they are! There is nothing wrong with filling roles and it is good and necessary. Can we do more?
I often see parents, in particular moms, who vent about giving up some part of themselves. The story sounds like this; “I feel like I have lost myself since becoming a mother.” “I don’t have time for my own needs and my entire identity is being a mom.” “Someday when the kids are grown, maybe I will have time for myself.” These parents are actively living out roles instead of investing in relationships. I also work with adults who echo a similar sentiment; “I feel like I don’t really know who my mom/dad is as a person.” This breaks my heart. These are individuals who come to me looking for help with dysfunctional relationships and have a struggle with their own identities. They were taught how to fill roles but were never taught how to live with reason.
Biologically, emotionally, and spiritually the parent / child relationship is primary. It is the first place where identity is gained. It shapes who we are for better or worse. It promotes our success when nurturing. It cripples our ideas and abilities when damaging. Parents: you are armed with great knowledge now. Giving of yourself, investing in sharing who you are with your children will build them up to know who they are.
Follow for more to come on parenting and relationships…
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