Tag: mental health

Posted on in Healing, mindset, Success

Perspective is Powerful

What is the difference between a victim and a survivor? One views the offence as destructive and insurmountable, while the latter views the offence as an experience requiring coping and healing. Some situations can be a catalyst for change and growth in one person and yet can be an excuse for faltering in another. As I search for answers and a tangible path forward in the realm of healing, I look for tools that can turn a victim into a survivor. Possibly the most powerful tool I have ever encountered is perspective.

There is a saying that I quote a lot, “Everything you need is already inside of you.” There are various individuals whom that statement is attributed to, with a variety of different wording choices. I consider it public domain because it is a simple and timeless understanding that I believe to be part of the greater unconscious wisdom humanity carries. I remember the first time I heard that statement. It was spoken directly to me, in response to a situation I was facing, as a sort of answer on how I would overcome the obstacles I was facing. I can recall several other occasions of which that statement was repeated as a sort of confirmation that I was on the right path. Once I understood the power of perspective, that idea that all I need is inside of me became illuminated in a new way. Perspective is mine, an internal representation of what is happening in my environment.

First, we have perception. If conscious understanding is a two-way street, perception is the information coming in, while perspective is the information going out. We perceive the world around us through experience. The angle from which we see, the pieces we hear, process, and understand, and all the analytical data our minds can grasp form a perception. Our physical senses collect the data but our internal environment filters how we read it. A loud bang in a public space can be a curious occurrence, something exciting, or something terrifying, depending on the filter it is perceived through.

Then, whatever we have perceived and processed becomes projected through our perspective. One person, who has trauma involving gunshot, might have the perspective that the bang is a threat, or at the least an inappropriate action, and feel a proper response it to leave or escape the environment. Another person, who has worked in a factory and is desensitized to loud sounds from a loading dock, might barely register the bang and act as if nothing happened. A young child with no negative experience and no life experience involving loud sounds might become curious and look for the source of the noise to learn more about it. There is a valuable bit of wisdom in this example; the experience does not have the same power as the perspective which is formed around it.

What if changing your perspective could change your whole life, for the better? Would you want that outcome? If I told you that changing your perspective is a growth process, it does not come easily, but you are absolutely capable of success, would you invest in the process? Your answer to that question reveals your perspective about your inherent value. Yes, you are worthy of loving yourself and having the peace and abundance you desire. Your value is not in question, but maybe your perspective needs a tune up. Let’s fix that together.

Photo by Anthony DeRosa

If you found value in this article and would like to start a journey with life coaching, click here to send me a message.

Posted on in embodiment, Spirituality, trauma

Who Is Allowed To Touch You?

Certainly, you have experienced human energy. The shift when someone enters the room; either lighting it up or bringing it down. A person’s mood can cause a domino effect. The words we speak project our energy out into the environment, affecting those who receive them. Human energy is vital, alive, penetrating, and of great consequence. Anyone who has been in a long term relationship knows how a person affects a partner, for better or for worse. Those aren’t just empty vows. They are an energetic covenant which binds the intentions and actions of two souls together.

Even the small, daily, and passive actions cause shifts in the environment, including the people in it. It is important to be aware of what energy is affecting us and to proactively protect our own energy. An observation, most people are oblivious to energy exchange and go along being affected without the awareness to choose how to interact with other people’s energies. Our body language communicates the subtleties that we feel even when unaware. Sometimes we create distance when we are uncomfortable or cross our arms in a protective stance. If someone has positive, attractive energy, we may feel drawn to be closer to them or even touch them.

It’s important to realize that every person whom you allow to make physical contact with you is either drawing from your energy or depositing their own energy onto you, sometimes both. It affects your energy, your mental function, and even your physical body in some direct ways. Be wise, consider your own wellbeing. Learn ways to energetically protect your mind and body. Decide who may touch you, when, and how. Remember how powerful your own energy is and nurture it.

Posted on in Healing, Identity, Personal Thoughts, Spirituality

Remembering a True Identity

My mother told me, “You never lost your identity. You just forgot who you are for a little while.” A shift happened in my mind. The sense of being lost, like a dense fog, slightly lifted and suddenly there was a little bit of the road visible underneath. It felt easier to take a step, although I still didn’t know exactly where I was heading.

Identity can come from many things. We assume roles and if we are not steady in our awareness, those roles become what we believe we are. How often, when asked who we are, do we claim the identity of our roles; I am a mother, a writer, a wife, or a counselor. Which roles we highlight might depend on who the audience is which we are entertaining. In a business meeting, I am not likely to first say I am a mother. Likewise, in a social event full of women who are mothers, I am not likely to first label my career. The trouble herein comes from how fluid roles can be and therefore our identities become unstable. Deep insecurity might lead to an identity that labels us as hobbies, or religion, or sexual preferences.

When life shifts and we are shaken, an identity built on roles can come crashing down. I assumed a primary identity of ‘Wife’ for two decades, more than half of my life. That role was so important to me. It was essential to my self esteem that my functioning in that role defined my success and my value. I absorbed the multitude of messages from the culture and society around me about the role as wife and what it meant. So, when that role came to an end and I was facing the reality of divorce, I felt lost, confused, and lacking something that had become a large part of me. The loss of the relationship did not affect me at this point nearly as much as the loss of that role and title. For many years, the relationship had been gone. There was no substance left, only roles to fill. I had toiled through the slow death of the relationship and moved through deep grief many years prior. At a certain point, I resigned to going through the motions and fulfilling my duties as a wife. mother, and homemaker. I did a damn good job at my “jobs” and so even despite receiving no love or support, I was able to immerse myself in the work of being what I believed I needed to be. This was a self-laid snare that kept me trapped in a toxic situation far beyond when I should have let it end.

Then one day, while nurturing my spirituality, I was given a glimpse of a truth that gave me a sense of home. Talking about spiritual gifts, I heard someone say, “As you encounter something new that feels familiar and resonates deeply within you, you are simply remembering. Remembering who you are, and remembering the wisdom that’s been buried deep within you all along.” This took me back to the discovery that “Everything you need is already inside you.” Then my mother gave me the same message. I was never really lost, I just needed to remember. I am not a wife, but everything that made me a good wife is who I am. As in every possible role, we are not the title we carry, but the substance of what we pour into the job at hand. Roles change and end, but the person within the role is a steady and constant embodiment of attributes whose value is unchanging regardless of where she is positioned at any given moment.

So, if you are feeling lost, disconnected, or lacking, it’s time to remember who you are.

Posted on in Healing, Identity, Spirituality

Healing Hands

“You have healing hands.” It was one of the first compliments I received after giving a massage. It is still one of the greatest compliments I receive and one that I hear with some regularity. I understood this to mean that I have natural skills in bodywork. I also understood this as a way to communicate that I had done something impactful for my client. Still, at times, I have seen this in a more literal unfolding. Sometimes physical things move into repair, or healing, due to the physical manipulations of bodywork. However, sometimes emotional things are healed through touch or the exchange of energy that happens in a bodywork session. I have witnessed the improvement in mental health, the resolution of difficult emotional blocks, the restoration of the body in improved motion or removal of pain and disorder. So much healing happens when healthy touch and positive intention are placed into the same being.

Spiritual gifts do not require labels, titles, certifications, categories, or organized paths to manifest into reality. Rather, our gifts are an essential part of our identities and add definition to who we are. The magnetism of my energy, the potential of my touch, my dreams and manifest destiny, all showed through from my early childhood in my personality and the ways I interacted with the world around me. I believe this is true for everyone. Who you are, apart from the labels and roles you might pick up, will be exactly how you show up from the innocence of early consciousness.

As we go through life, we acquire knowledge, skills, identifiers, materials, and connections that help to communicate who we are and how we operate within the systems of the world. I’ve explored the world through this lens in many ways, collecting quite the array of qualifications to help paint a picture of who I am and what I can do. Healing, especially in the category of Energy Healing, can be a difficult concept to communicate because it is so much an experience rather than a segregated idea. I have learned, studies, applied, and adopted a number of different concepts and applications of energy healing over the years. This month, I am taking a focus on one in particular that I’ve never specifically talked about at length; Reiki. Now you know a little about my understanding and belief about spiritual gifts. Stay connected for what’s to come about this amazing technique.

Photo by Arina Krasnikova
Posted on in embodiment, trauma

Post Trauma

You’ve likely heard of PTSD: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. After someone has gone through a traumatic event, they may develop symptoms that interfere with daily life and include physical, mental, and emotional disturbances. At the extreme, this can be crippling and requires professional support to recover. In many cases, symptoms are less severe and may even be hidden, giving the appearance of normal functioning. Many professionals believe that PTSD can be resolved by treatment and plenty of living proof is walking around in the world. Some believe that the effects are life-long and at the very least, change how a person experiences life. To any person who is struggling with PTSD, especially those who try to hide it, do not be afraid to reach out and seek support. There are amazing therapies that can improve your life.

What happens after therapy? Maybe you’ve improved enough to function well but still feel different than you used to be. Maybe you have been through something traumatic but don’t have the symptoms of PTSD, yet you still feel not yourself. Maybe you notice that traumatic thoughts resurface sometimes, or that triggers exist in unexpected ways. Regardless of any diagnosis, or treatment you’ve had, maybe you just know that an event changed you and that’s hard to accept.

When there’s no stress disorder (PTSD) but you’re stuck in the limbo post trauma (PTSD) or you’ve healed a lot but still the post trauma changes linger, it can be a confusing place. Social messages tell you that you’re either all broken or should be all healed and back to your old self. That’s simply not the case. Everything we go through in life forms us, changes us, and impacts who we become. This is true of positive and negative occurrences, big and small. Even when we go through a negative or distressing event, we can utilize the effects of that experience for positive growth. We become more aware, more insightful, more compassionate, we see the world differently, and even the hard parts can be used for good.

Trauma is too common. It’s part of the human experience. Everyone gets dealt a different hand and we never know what tomorrow holds. Count your blessings every day because bad can’t erase good. And if you find yourself in the post trauma fog looking for answers, come with me on a journey of healing and find hope.

Posted on in embodiment, Personal Thoughts

Being Present

Days are longer. Air is warmer. People are happier. This is Spring. New life is thriving and from the earth, things are growing. As I ponder what wisdom is worth depositing into the collective today, two things are at the forefront of my mind. They are colored by an awareness that these blessed days which I have so longed for over the winter will soon pass by and yield to the cycle of seasons.

First, I recognize that the more I learn, the more aware I become of just how little I know. As my awareness grows about myself and the world around me, I find that there is so much interconnectedness that it’s difficult to break off subjects and make abbreviated mentions. One simple conversation can unfold through so many ideas and potentially be endless. I am blessed with a few close friends who embody this and our ability to roll through continual, deep conversation is one of the great joys of my life. Life is meant to be fluid, changing, and unfolding.

Second, in the vastness of all that life has to offer, this moment matters most. There is so much behind me, left in my memory. Yet, there is so much before me, left wide open to possibilities. Both are a blessing to behold, but only in this moment can I live.

In this moment, I am walking barefoot in the grass, pleased by every color tucked between the leaves; yellow, purple, blue, brown, white.

In this moment, I am witnessing the beauty of growth with every down turned to feather, every burst of playful scampering, every first tweet, cluck, or meow on the farm.

In this moment, I choose the flowing dress on a windy day so that I can relish the pleasure of a warm breeze after a cool night.

In this moment, I am looking for the very ordinary space between the milestones as the accomplishments of my parenting produce great fruit and I am blessed to behold the developing of women from girls.

In this moment, I am dancing in the kitchen, nourishing my body through movement as I prepare to nourish my body with a colorful array of produce, because health is sacred.

In this moment, I am absorbing the joy of every interaction, meeting people where they are, accepting what the wisdom of experience is they have to offer, and knowing that there is purpose in every touch of a soul.

What are the moments of your present life full of? Take notice before what comes may go.

Posted on in embodiment, Emotions, mindset

Healing the Body Through Stress-Response

When you are stressed-out, what does it feel like? Is your mind cluttered, bogged down, or racing? Is your body tense or exhausted? The particular combination of symptoms that we might experience with stress is different for each person and often different with each situation. Yet, we all experience stress at times with different levels of severity. So what is stress?

Physical stress is a form of strain or exerted pressure. As a building is constructed, there is stress on the structure as it bears the load of each layer. In physical mechanics it is necessary for stress to be balanced and dispersed so that there is no point over stressed and weakening the overall structure. This applies to the human body as well.

Only in the body, it’s not stress on steel beams or wooden floors from weight and tension. It’s a balance of chemicals and emotions that apply pressure to the physical structure of the body. Just as a broken screw can compromise a building over time, a broken neuroreceptor can compromise the physical health of the body over time. In both cases, the issue may not be apparent until something big enough strikes, like a hurricane- either of water or emotion, that overwhelms the system and causes it to fail.

Emotions are powerful. They have a great physical impact on the body. The ripple effect can alter hormones, neurotransmitters, and consciousness. If you want to take a deep dive, study the emotion to body connection and impact of serotonin, dopamine, gamma-aminobutyric, glutamate, and norepinephrine, just to get you started. Emotions can stem from the release of these kinds of chemicals, but they can also create the release when the body follows the action to thought pathway. There is a lot of research that reveals just how we can control the body through mindset and thoughts.

If any of this is new to you, I encourage you to get well acquainted with your body and the literature that teaches you how to take control and drive these processes. To change the world, I must first change myself. Go and do likewise. I’ve got resources to help you on your journey.

Posted on in Personal Thoughts

The Problem with Health Insurance and Therapy

We all need someone to talk to sometimes, someone to listen, to care, to process, to advise us occasionally, and to support us through transitions in life. I teach a pyramid of support. At the bottom, the foundation layer, you have the support that is closest to you in proximity. This includes your family and friends, peers and coworkers, acquaintances, and social connections. It’s the people who form your daily interactions and will likely show up to your funeral. At the tippy top of the pyramid is the rarest and most professional support you might ever need; think psychiatrist, plastic surgeon, or criminal defense attorney. Some people never need this level of support. If you do have a need in this category, it is likely there is no alternative because it is so specialized.

The middle part of the pyramid between the bookends includes a variety of styles and levels of support. I call this the “can’t do it myself and I need some help” section. Skilled trades and professional services fall into this section. It’s the people who provide you something you can’t do for yourself. Narrowing in on the category of mental health, this section includes therapists, counselors, mentors, social workers, life coaches, health coaches, doctors, nurses, trainers, and more. There are many people in many roles who offer different flavors of support but ultimately are purposed to help you make the most of your life and find true wellness.

Unfortunately, in our society, money and the systems it flows through controls the narrative. In recent decades, “health insurance” has become the standard decision maker in people’s care. Many professionals who are connected to the “health care system” are under the influence of the people behind insurance. So, when therapy transitioned to a health-care service in order to qualify for coverage, it became a pawn of the industry too. What does this mean for you?

Concisely, if you use your health insurance to cover a service, it must be deemed a medically necessary treatment. Said another way, anything that your insurance pays for must be justified as a treatment of a disease or disorder. Your therapist has to diagnose you with a mental health disorder and then notate your treatment to get paid. I’ve talked about this before in sharing why I left the clinical world of professional counseling. The system is not aligned with my moral standard. For a small group of individuals, this insurance benefit is a great thing! But most people are walking around believing they have mental health issues that they don’t. In fact, socially it is common to make light of serious disorders because they have become so familiar to us. I find this to be a tragedy and disservice to humanity.

It’s time to start viewing money, healthcare, and professional support differently. It’s not what most people think it is. This is why I offer the services that I do and at a rate that does not compete with insurance. I believe in the power of support for personal growth and wellness. We’re all trying to make a living doing something we love. I’m also trying to change the world by flowing under the mainstream current for the greater good. It’s not easy standing alone but it’s worth it. I’ll tell you the hard truth. I hope you receive it.

Posted on in embodiment, personal development

Personal Mastery

It has become apparent to me, as I’ve gained the sort of insight that comes with age, that competition is vanity. In most categories, the act of competing against someone else is only to the end of assigning an arbitrary status of greater than or less than. It is also apparent to me that the value of dominating over others is superficial, where the value of personal mastery is great.

If you’re going to do a thing, do it well. Incompetence is rampant and much business is conducted by people who have no business doing so. I hold to the value that people should be doing what they are most passionate about, but until they are able to acquire that level of accomplishment, they should do well at whatever they are responsible for doing.

There is one thing that each and every person should master and that is knowing the self. I believe the Greeks were accredited with the slogan “Know Thyself” but it’s a rather universal and basic pillar. Yet so many people slide through life without really knowing, understanding, or accepting their personal experience. In fact, we seek outward in others what can be learned directly in our own very capable experience. Human beings are primed to learn through sensory exploration, as evidenced by the natural, unaided development of the first years of life. A baby will learn to eat, walk, talk, and begin to behave according to expectations and social norms without any prescription of systematic instruction. Our minds are quite incredible.

My aim is to provide insight and tools to help others on their journeys of personal mastery. Teaching embodiment is foundational to the level of self-acceptance necessary for true personal growth. In two weeks, I am hosting a Personal Mastery Workshop which will be both educational and hands-on. I welcome you to come and join us in opening your mind to get to know your-self.

Posted on in Identity, personal development

Your Tribe Needs You

In a morning conversation today, a wise woman gave me the reminder that human beings, by nature, are tribal and rooted in relationship. I was in thought about how to plan my writing in a way that had the most value and was contemplating how relationships are central to the way we live. Quite often, our identity is deeply woven into the relationships we value. We take on names and titles like mother, wife, and _____ member. No single role title defines who we are, but it certainly gives shape to the greater image we bear.

How I show up to my relationships matters. Conflict is within the realm of relationship. Certainly, on my own I do not need conflict because I can do what I want to do. It’s when the ideas or expectations of others impose on my autonomy that conflict arises. So, in application, conflict is a tool for the shaping of my character. How I receive it, process it, and react to it will always leave an impression on my life and the lives which are entangled with me in that conflict.

You can’t show up in relationships unhealed without exposing others to your pain. You also can’t gain the greatest benefits from relationship until you are whole and able to give and receive without conditions. Yet, we always grow in light of the growing pains in relationship. In other words, the need for repair in relationship triggers mending of the self. If we are blessed with support, that mending reaches a deep, personal level that goes beyond the surface of the connection we are investing in.

Do the work. Heal the parts of you that long to be part of the whole. Integrate yourself so that you can show up and lead others into their greatest journeys. Allow yourself to be lead, through meaningful learning, by others who have walked where you are before you. Embrace connection for all it gives and be willing to show up for your tribe in ways that uplift the lowest and uphold the highest values.

I’m going to take you on a journey through the topic of relationships and help you find your healing. Stay connected for more.