Everywhere from social media to mainstream media, people are talking about trauma. Like no other time in history, we have access to an abundance of trauma-informed care options that range from self-help to professional help. Even the term, trauma-informed, is a cultural norm in 2022. So where did all this trauma come from? Are there really so many people with trauma?
Traditionally, trauma was viewed as a major, life-altering, negative event. War, natural disaster, death, loss, divorce, abuse, etc. were all the well-known causes of trauma. Today, it seems like anything can be considered traumatic depending on what definition you apply to it. There is some truth to this. How we experience an event can mean much more than the event itself. That’s why a group of people can go through the same disaster and come out with very different effects. Yet, if state-of-mind determines if something is traumatic, then being stuck in trauma response would logically create more trauma with new situations. Seems like quite the cycle.
When I embarked on my journey as a counselor over a decade ago, my vantage point was a trauma-informed therapist. My own life story contains the pain which lead to me wanting to help others. Not only did I have first-hand experience, but I trained and studied in the various theories and modalities that would help me to help others the way I had been helped. At some point along the way, as trauma became a mainstream concept, I started to pull back from seeking out the trauma in others. Honestly, it is overwhelming to be aware of and intimately involved in the pain and healing process of others.
Recently, I have come to accept that the things which were healed in me, still exist in me. Even though triggers lost their power and coping was replaced by understanding, I am shaped by my experiences. Both the undoing and the rebuilding are mine. Life takes me through cycles where I find a sensitivity, I deconstruct the ideology which is causing me pain, I heal and define my own understanding, and I use it to help the next soul who is brought my way. Today, like so many years ago, my passion to heal the world starts with healing a newly uncovered part of me.
Since the word March is both the current month and an action one can perform, it seems fitting to make this month all about movement. (Yes, I am a grammar nerd.) In this 2022 series, last month we talked about embodiment which includes how we move in and live in our bodies. This month I want to talk about movement because it is absolutely foundational to health and wellness.
If you fail to move, you will allow disorder in the body. Most people who encounter disease give up movement in the process. It is cyclic cause and effect. Even the “mental health disorders” directly affect physical movement. Depression generates lethargy. Anxiety gives rise to “freezing” or feeling paralyzed to act or move. Psychosis can in fact lock someone in their head, causing dissociation from the body and mental absence from the present moment. When movement ceases, the many systems of the body deteriorate and create complex issues. At this moment, I want to say that if you are struggling with a mental or physical ailment that resonates with this idea, please seek professional help. You must have support and a process to get healthy again.
For those of us who fall into the range of normal in our health and wellness, even if there is room for improvement, let’s talk about how we are moving. How active are you? Do you move from one place to another throughout the day with little to no physical activity? How often do you exercise for pleasure? Something strange has happened in our culture where exercise became a dirty word and people who are physically unhealthy look down on people who do it. I believe we need to get back to exercise being the norm. Not necessarily going to a gym or artificial movement, although for some that is a great outlet. We need to learn to find our natural movement and embrace it. We are alive and should be active!
Over the upcoming weeks, if you follow me on social media, I am going to be sharing little thoughts and tips all about movement. I hope you will check it out and actually ponder each concept. If you identify an obstacle in your mindset or motivation about movement and increasing your physical health, connect with me. I’d love to support you and provide accountability in your journey.
What do you think of when you hear the word “embody“? The idea of embodiment involves giving a physical form or expression to something. We can embody a value through personification. It has to do with tangible expression. I want you to think of it as simply experiencing your existence through your physical body.
Assuming you are a human reading this, you are a physical being. You are a body, illuminated with life, with the ability to experience living through your senses. We have senses that come through our physical organs, mind and soul. If you are not grounded in your body and aware of your senses, you may potentially miss a lot of the experience of living.
Humanity is privileged with organized thought. The mind is a powerful tool that advances us through both societal progression and personal development. However, a pitfall of the mind is getting caught up in your headspace. People are chronic overthinkers. The responsibilities we’ve created lead to stress which leaves us overthinking more and less embodied. I’m on a mission to change that.
Embodiment is the experience of feeling what you touch, or what touches you. It is seeing what’s in front of you, listening to comprehend, tasting what nourishes you, and so much more. It is an awareness of how your body responds to your environment. It is the presence of emotion, awareness of meaning, and understanding how to respond. It is how you experience the world around you and yourself.
This is such an exciting and powerful topic. Every week I work with individuals on the process of embodiment and how to build these skills. I’ve seen it work to reduce stress, reduce pain, increase happiness, discover passion, heal relationships, and increase quality of life, work, and success. If you want to develop your skills and realize your own embodiment journey, let’s connect.
“She is a wild, tangled forest with temples and treasures concealed within.” – John Mark Green
It was the beginning of December, an end in itself. I was in the hustle and bustle of a high school basketball tournament in Indianapolis. The Pacer Athletic Center has eight courts which were all active with games all at once. Every squeaking shoe, dribbled ball, yelling teammates and coaches, whistles, buzzers, cheering fans by the hundreds; pure noise, amplified. It’s enough to make your head pound, your ears hurt, and you find total exhaustion after many hours. Still, somehow, when you get into a game all the noise blends together and you can get so in the moment and be present court side for your team.
That’s where I was, completely absorbed into a game for the varsity girls, when my healing journey brought me to a new, deeper level of spiritual awakening. I had no idea that basketball could yield a spiritual experience. It can be emotional to watch a game when you are connected to the players. There is tangible energy in the flow of teamwork, success, and setbacks. Certainly other parents and fans can relate to feeling a rush of joy when points are scored or the frustration when a skilled opponent gets the gain. On this particular day, something much deeper stirred in my soul as I watched 10 young women fight for a victory on the court.
There was a distinct moment when I did not see us versus them. The colors of the uniforms didn’t matter and the numbers on the score board were irrelevant. I realized I was surrounded by, and affected by, pure feminine potential. This isn’t to discount the boys in any way. Rather, it’s personal and profound that I recognized and tapped into the energy of what these young women are doing. I’ve been walking out a part of my own journey where I am facing and dealing with some childhood attachment issues and inner child wounds. I had once thought that I had adequately dealt with these layers until I recognized that you can remodel an entire house but the foundation remains and it will need a little work from time to time.
In the weeks before this moment, I recognized that I was grieving. I did not want to be, but I needed to release the pain and that’s what grieving does. I was grieving losses; of people, relationships, broken dreams, missed opportunities, and most of all parts of my identity that I had either sacrificed or never realized. Heavy stuff.
Grief, doubt, insecurity, and all the negative emotions we carry are not visible. On a basketball court, even the least confident player appears poised and capable to the average onlooker. As I watched the girls playing their hearts out, I saw confidence, intelligence, grace, assurance, dedication, and real, raw beauty. Honestly, I saw so much more than words can describe. They were flawless. They possessed the spirit of divine potential. For the first time in my conscious awareness I scanned a crowd and thought, “This is how God sees people.” I felt an overflowing of love and care for these beautiful ladies and there was not a shadow of doubt in my mind that they can do anything they desire.
I wished that they could feel for themselves what I was feeling for them in that moment. Connecting with my own inner child has revealed to me that I often felt I wasn’t loved for who I am so much as for what I could do or provide for others. So, I hid away the parts of me that were unlovable or unwanted. I created a version of me that made people happy, and I played the role of the people pleaser to keep from making waves. I allowed stagnant water by damning up my potential where there was meant to be a mighty, rushing river. Now, I look around and can see others who have done the same. Healing might require clearing away the sticks and logs a little at a time. Imagine what might happen to the world if we would free up and flow in the divine potential we were created with. If only we would get in the game of life like these ladies do on the basketball court.
“In a time of universal deceit – telling the truth is a revolutionary act.” George Orwell
I’ve used four short pages to skip a stone across the surface of two decades of life experience and discovery. I could talk for hours in more depth about the particulars that have led me to some of these thoughts. My purpose in this season is simply to introduce some ideas so that someone might have their lightbulb turned on and someone else might find a companion of like mind on a strange and lonely journey into the truth.
Maybe like I once was, you have found certain truths illuminated and you are trying to navigate between what you thought you knew and what you now know. Maybe you are a little further down the trail and picking the wild flowers of truth that are popping up on either side of the path you are walking. At this point, I hope this series has encouraged you to seek truth and accept the possibility of changing your mind when you find it. I hope you at least comprehend that there are corrupt systems everywhere that do not have your best interest or mine at heart. I hope you understand, know, and believe that you are full of potential, you possess everything you need to heal and thrive. You might need a little help finding it inside of you or some inspiration to create what you were meant to create; that’s okay.
Here is the final Truth, which isn’t so hard to believe but has a lot of hard work and effort behind it to make it reality. Change is on the horizon. The old systems that have secured the blindfold on so many are being exposed and are falling away from those who seek and behold truth. There is a better way. People are incredible creations with passion, purpose, and potential for so much! A lot of us got lost along the way, buried under hurt and trauma. Now some of us have been through the process of healing and finding truth so that we can lift others up and spread hope and love to the world again.
For me, the most positive change was letting go of the expectations (and labels) of others. If you know my story, you know that I am a counselor with extensive training and multiple degrees. At times I have questioned if I wasted much time and money. Yet, I know that everything is useful for learning and growing as a person and professionally. So when I made the decision to not follow through with testing for my LPC (License in Professional Counseling) it was a huge mental battle. I had been taught (brainwashed) to believe that the only good counselor was the one with the right credentials. I spent too much time over the years deciding what those credentials should be for me, earning certifications and credits towards my best laid plans. In fact, I have the degrees and skills for both LPC and MFT credentialling. My heart knew better than to stay on that path. I knew I would be restricted from practicing what I believe and ultimately burn out. It took time, networking, more education – a lot of the self-lead kind, and talking with God to understand what my direction and purpose is. I chose to become a Life Coach. For me, this was the path to freedom for my passion and leading others into freedom as well. No diagnosis, no medication, no dependency on me to fix lives, but the position to share my story and skills and help others in their journeys of healing and learning to live in peace and joy. This is my Why I do what I do.
Let me tell you something amazing about my journey. I’m not just a counselor; I’m an encourager, a hope dealer, a healer and guide, an inspirer, a truth seeker, a networker, a speaker, and a Coach. Helping others to find their voice and healing has come from me finding my own. Sharing on such a deep level has opened doors because my passion flows. I am happy in life and I love my work. I want everyone to feel this way.
I am a psychodynamic Coach. I help people with the broken connections in their lives. Often, that means working through emotional pain, past trauma, and into forgiveness. There isn’t much I haven’t encountered in the many years I’ve been doing this. Sometimes though, there is something I am not meant to walk through with you. Sometimes I am simply not the right person you need. If that is the case, I will help you get to your next destination. Connection is my thing, if you didn’t notice. I have an amazing network of associates and acquaintances who compliment what I do in their own unique ways. As I’ve released this series, I have showcased some of them for you on social media. I want people to know that there are options. I’m not against therapy when it is needed. I do feel that it’s overprescribed and often mismanaged. So many people I’ve worked with have told me they have been in therapy for 15, 20, 30+ years with no results! This usually comes after a couple weeks of working together and they have an amazing breakthrough. Some people are shocked when coaching causes shifts that they didn’t know possible. Shifts, growth, and positive change are part of the process. That’s what coaching can do for you. If you are feeling stuck, and maybe you’ve tried therapy but didn’t really need that method, I believe whole-hearted that coaching can change your life.
Part 4
This is part 4 of a 4 part series that will be released in November & December 2021.
If you enjoyed this topic series and want to know more, look for a new series about life coaching and therapeutic options, coming soon!
My education, my background, and my passion is built on psychology, professional counseling, marriage and family therapy, human services, and a solid belief in the potential to heal brokenness and trauma. I embrace many thoughts and theories about human understanding and behavior. What I don’t embrace is how something that once was about seeking truth has become a system of control. I know there are good intentioned people in that system. Just like there are good doctors and nurses in a corrupt medical system. (Those two arenas are directly connected, in case you didn’t know.)
So with years of experience, exceptional skills, and a passion for helping people, why would I abandon the mental health field?
The System. I could convince you that the system of professionals you will need to get support from is for your benefit. I was trained to do so. You’ll need your primary doctor to check your health and any specialists for particular issues. You’ll need your therapist to talk to, your psychiatrist to prescribe you the pills that will prove you are sane, your social worker to connect you with additional resources, your case manager to oversee all of your appointments and resources, and so on. It sure looks like you have a lot of support! Any one of those individuals might actually support you and have your best interest in mind. Again, it’s not any one or even all of those people and their positions I despise. It’s THE SYSTEM. You won’t find any one of those professionals going rouge and encouraging anything other than the prescribed path of the medical model. Tell them you don’t need the pills or ask for an alternative and natural remedy. Watch the doors slam closed. There is a prescribed path to treatment that ensures everyone gets in on the money.
The Money. (i.e.: insurance). Someone has to be making the decisions that make up the system. It’s your insurance. Most people depend on insurance to pay for anything related to “health.” We have been conditioned to do so. In fact, most people believe that health is defined by this system. Go back and read part 1 about deceptions we accept as reality. This is one of the first areas I started getting blips on my moral antenna. I didn’t see anything that looked like HEALTHcare happening. In fact, I saw a lot of people being encouraged to stay dependent on the system- the exact opposite of caring for their health.
Diagnosis. In order for your insurance to pay for you to talk to someone, you must have a mental health disorder that is diagnosable. All of the time spent on learning how to diagnose people seemed very altruistic. Once I entered the clinical realm, aka real-world application, I had to re-learn how to diagnose everyone for access to services. This ultimately was my breaking point; something I will share more about later. The key here is that your diagnosis links you to other potential services (see #1) and keeps that money flowing through the system.
Mental Health doesn’t exist. This may be the hardest truth you encounter today. It’s made up. It’s an extension of the medical model in which a severed and separate part of you is treated by physical (pharmaceutical) means for spontaneous dysfunction. That cannot be true. You are an ecosystem. There is no spontaneous dysfunction. Everything happens for a reason. Often the reason is simple and logical. Just because we don’t know the reason does not negate a logical cause and effect. The truth is, we actually DO know most of the reasons! (We being humanity, collectively, somewhere among us.) What I am saying is that the truth is out there. It’s hidden, maybe by the system that profits from causing “mental health issues.”
At this point, someone reading this is already rejecting a newly encountered truth. We are most likely to reject truth which threatens our identity. If that is you, let me extend to you grace and hope. You will find what you are meant to find when you are meant to have it. I believe that. Sometimes we see seeds being planted and don’t know when they will grow or what they will become. If you feel a sense of curiosity, of wonder, of intrigue, or any openness to new information, You are on the right path and will continue to find what you are meant to find as you are ready for it. Be blessed.
Part 3
This is part 3 of a 4 part series that will be released in November & December 2021. Part 1 introduces the topic of cognitive dissonance and the foundational truth that not everything is as it seems. Part 2 develops the process of accepting truth and the personal revelations that became apparent to me once I sought truth. Part 3 exposes the system and the moral conflict it creates. It also shines a light on the hope and reason of a better way.
I’ve been through the growth process of encountering truth a few times in my life. First, there is an encounter with a new idea. Second, there is an awareness of the authenticity that is truth. Third, there is the turmoil of cognitive dissonance. Fourth, there comes an acceptance of the truth which sparks great motivation. (For some, the process ends at step four with rejecting the truth.) Fifth, there is a decluttering and organizing process that takes place as old ideas and new ideas are questioned in light of the new truth. This is where there is some letting go of what no longer suites my reality and some embracing of new concepts that seem to fit just right and feel like they’ve been known all along. Finally, there is a time of peace and joy that comes with encountering truth.
I have found that each time something new and true is encountered, the process becomes easier as it grows more familiar. At first the process feels very much like a process and each step can unfold in a very calculated and thoughtful way. At some point, that spiritual sense is stronger and the process is more like a quick flow of simply acknowledging the truth and welcoming it home. Intuition is a muscle that grows stronger with regular exercise.
I invested a lot of years into “higher education” learning skills and gaining understanding of the human mind. My path was a winding road rather than a straight line. Along the way I learned a lot about life, about education, and about what it means to be successful. I learned much more from people and experiences than anything I learned from books. And you should know I am an avid reader who loves books.
When I completed graduate school and stepped into the clinical world, I learned some hard truths. Simply put, I learned that the clinical world was not for me. So much that I encountered created moral conflict for me. I will go deeper on that in the next article. I also learned that, like most industries, the mental health arena is highly guarded, highly regulated, and it is an exclusive club. The price of membership is high; it will cost your moral and ethical dedication to boards of so-called experts who are governed by the same system that uses witchcraft, mind-control, and the love of money to guide all decisions.
I titled this Hard Truths for a reason. Accepting that last revelation was the beginning of my freedom. With an open mind, it can be yours too.
Part 2
This is part 2 of a 4-part series that will be released in November & December 2021. Part 1 introduces the topic of cognitive dissonance and the foundational truth that not everything is as it seems. Part 2 develops the process of accepting truth and the personal revelations that became apparent to me once I sought truth.
Have you heard aboutInspired Brush Strokes the new therapeutic art workshop I am offering? This is an amazing opportunity for community connection, emotional release, and Spirit filled worship through the gift of artistic expression. Don’t think you have artistic talent? Let me show you what you can do!
If you know me, you know I am an artist at heart! Some of my favorite expressive tools are music, paint, photography, and the written word. I use all of these and more in my work and personal environment. So often what I do with people is verbal; we talk. Language is a powerful tool for processing deep things. Sometimes, there is something deeper than words can express. Some pain that is buried may be too hard to speak of. Some joy that is under the surface needs a way to flow out! I have found that the fluid, malleable nature of paint is a perfect medium for wordless expressions.
God can touch the heart, in the depths of places where people can’t reach. Healing can happen in an environment of true worship and reverence to the Creator of the creative! That is the inspiration for Inspired Brush Strokes. It’s a partnership with the Holy Spirit in which we dive deep into worship and allow the fullness of free expression to flow through the brush. I have seen amazing things happen! People find peace and renewal. Chains of guilt, shame, condemnation and fear are broken. Healing happens and relationships are mended. Purpose is found. Grace is received.
This is a local workshop available to churches, businesses, and groups. If you would like to host a workshop and invite me to lead this experience, please contact me at sanders.connected@gmail.com
The thing about betrayal is there must be some level of trust and moral expectation in order for it to be betrayed. That kind of hurt comes with shock or surprise. It is sobering, a let down from how you previously viewed someone. It is the misuse of trust that comes from giving something of yourself with the expectation that the part of you will be honored.
Recently, I was betrayed when someone stole my intellectual property. I had trusted this person to collaborate with me and had intended to work together in a business relationship. That did not happen and instead this person abused my trust, copied my writing, and used my business ideas for personal gain. Have you ever heard “Copying is flattery”? The sentiment insinuates that you have inspired someone so that they want to model after what you do. I suppose that to inspire someone to do something similar would be a nice gesture. However, when they take your literal words it does not feel flattering at all. It’s dirty.
I want to approach this with sage wisdom. It’s something I am learning to do in this season of life. In fact, I am being taught how to “retrain my brain” in a new way. I often teach others how to retrain the brain, a phrase I’ve used for years, and it’s exciting to learn new skills that I hope to share with others soon. So despite how it FEELS to be used for content, I choose to accept that my work is good enough to be admired. Despite the direct plagiarism and it’s moral indications, I choose to accept that my written words are only an outpouring of my ideas and personality, therefore my value is more than words. I choose curiosity about how I can move forward with the knowledge that I have a good foundation and I am ready for the adventure of the next chapter.
I can remember a time when obstacles made me stop. I would often get stuck trying to rationalize things that happened and therefore were in the past now. In this season of life, I am empowered to find the gift in any obstacle I encounter. I have some powerful mentors to thank for such a perspective. Are you getting stuck at obstacles in the road? Or do you have the creativity to climb or move them? You don’t have to do it alone. Reach out if you want to connect for support. I’m happy to help.
Do you avoid conflict? Maybe you keep your thoughts to yourself when you feel you should speak. Maybe you distance yourself from someone because you disagree with their choice. Or maybe you don’t pursue that passion ticking inside of you because the risk of losing your comfort is too high. If you are avoiding conflict because it’s easier or feels more safe; are you enjoying your life in a box?
I’m going to give you the key to peace. Conflict exists whether you deal with it or not. It is the way of the universe. Conflict is not the opposite of peace. Avoiding it will not give you peace. If you’ve tried that you already know it’s true. Peace comes by using conflict properly to align with your values.
Conflict is a type of contrast. It illuminates something – like a dashboard light. We should pay attention to it. We should take action when necessary and when no harm would occur. It is often easier to objectively view a situation that you are not in the middle of. So many people say to me “I always give others advice but rarely take my own advice!” So if you have a conflict to face, don’t go at it alone. “Where there is no guidance the people fall, but in abundance of counselors there is victory.” Proverbs 11:14
If you do not deal with conflict while it is external, it will become internal. When we isolate, evade a person or situation, don’t speak truth, or shut in our passions and pain- the conflict lives on inside. The damage is hidden and personal. You don’t have to stay in that state of mind a moment longer.
Mellow Moment Holistic Wellness 