In just a few hours, the time change begins another shift and a new cycle. Sometimes as we are “springing ahead” or “falling back” I wonder if there will be a day that it no longer happens. Every year there is talk about ending the time change. The history around it is unpleasant. Losing sleep or adjusting either direction is challenging. It’s just another thing we do because we’ve always done it.
If I’ve learned anything, it’s that continuing any action solely because it’s already in place is an absolutely ridiculous reason to do anything. I’ve seen many things fall apart due to unwillingness to change course. Life requires change. Nature gives us seasons. Life requires adapting. We are part of something so much bigger than a moment or a singular understanding.
Letting go is hard. Not always, but sometimes it’s an act of compassion to release and allow the cycles of nature to shape what will be. If you’re not letting go now, you will be. That is life. The best thing we can do is embrace change, lean into what is growing or new, and be part of something greater than this moment. Someday it will all be just a memory.
A comforting scripture reference from my earliest childhood memories taught me that God keeps no record of our wrongs. From the silly mistakes to the outright rebellion, all is forgivable in God’s eyes. What a truly incredible concept. People certainly do not have that superpower. People often don’t forgive, and they never forget.
I’m blessed with a curse, some might say, in that I have the ability to see people through the eyes of Love. I know it’s a gift, but it sure has stirred up some people throughout my lifetime. I’m quick to forgive. I believe in reconciliation. I understand that a person is not defined by thoughts or actions alone.
So then, how do we handle the greatest of offenses? How do we live with what we can’t forget? My energy isn’t usually matched in willingness to let go and carry on when I value a relationship. I’ve even found myself caught in a triangle where two opposing parties won’t budge and so I end up hurt because any choice I make will cause friction. Man, it’s a painful place to live.
Lately, I’ve been thinking more about how the past is permanent. The words that have been said can’t be unsaid. Choices and actions, once committed, permanently alter the path forward. Of course, a change in direction is always possible. Yet, what’s done is done. We can hold on tight and allow it to dictate our existence. Or we can let go and make room for what could be.
In relationships, love trumps pain, if we embrace love. Sadly, some people are married to pain. Maybe there’s unhealed trauma blocking the road to forgiveness. Maybe pride won’t open the gate. Any obstacle in your mind is only keeping you from healing yourself and your relationships. Don’t let that be your story. Someday, you’ll be long gone but your story can bring healing in generations to come.
We all need someone to talk to sometimes, someone to listen, to care, to process, to advise us occasionally, and to support us through transitions in life. I teach a pyramid of support. At the bottom, the foundation layer, you have the support that is closest to you in proximity. This includes your family and friends, peers and coworkers, acquaintances, and social connections. It’s the people who form your daily interactions and will likely show up to your funeral. At the tippy top of the pyramid is the rarest and most professional support you might ever need; think psychiatrist, plastic surgeon, or criminal defense attorney. Some people never need this level of support. If you do have a need in this category, it is likely there is no alternative because it is so specialized.
The middle part of the pyramid between the bookends includes a variety of styles and levels of support. I call this the “can’t do it myself and I need some help” section. Skilled trades and professional services fall into this section. It’s the people who provide you something you can’t do for yourself. Narrowing in on the category of mental health, this section includes therapists, counselors, mentors, social workers, life coaches, health coaches, doctors, nurses, trainers, and more. There are many people in many roles who offer different flavors of support but ultimately are purposed to help you make the most of your life and find true wellness.
Unfortunately, in our society, money and the systems it flows through controls the narrative. In recent decades, “health insurance” has become the standard decision maker in people’s care. Many professionals who are connected to the “health care system” are under the influence of the people behind insurance. So, when therapy transitioned to a health-care service in order to qualify for coverage, it became a pawn of the industry too. What does this mean for you?
Concisely, if you use your health insurance to cover a service, it must be deemed a medically necessary treatment. Said another way, anything that your insurance pays for must be justified as a treatment of a disease or disorder. Your therapist has to diagnose you with a mental health disorder and then notate your treatment to get paid. I’ve talked about this before in sharing why I left the clinical world of professional counseling. The system is not aligned with my moral standard. For a small group of individuals, this insurance benefit is a great thing! But most people are walking around believing they have mental health issues that they don’t. In fact, socially it is common to make light of serious disorders because they have become so familiar to us. I find this to be a tragedy and disservice to humanity.
It’s time to start viewing money, healthcare, and professional support differently. It’s not what most people think it is. This is why I offer the services that I do and at a rate that does not compete with insurance. I believe in the power of support for personal growth and wellness. We’re all trying to make a living doing something we love. I’m also trying to change the world by flowing under the mainstream current for the greater good. It’s not easy standing alone but it’s worth it. I’ll tell you the hard truth. I hope you receive it.
It has become apparent to me, as I’ve gained the sort of insight that comes with age, that competition is vanity. In most categories, the act of competing against someone else is only to the end of assigning an arbitrary status of greater than or less than. It is also apparent to me that the value of dominating over others is superficial, where the value of personal mastery is great.
If you’re going to do a thing, do it well. Incompetence is rampant and much business is conducted by people who have no business doing so. I hold to the value that people should be doing what they are most passionate about, but until they are able to acquire that level of accomplishment, they should do well at whatever they are responsible for doing.
There is one thing that each and every person should master and that is knowing the self. I believe the Greeks were accredited with the slogan “Know Thyself” but it’s a rather universal and basic pillar. Yet so many people slide through life without really knowing, understanding, or accepting their personal experience. In fact, we seek outward in others what can be learned directly in our own very capable experience. Human beings are primed to learn through sensory exploration, as evidenced by the natural, unaided development of the first years of life. A baby will learn to eat, walk, talk, and begin to behave according to expectations and social norms without any prescription of systematic instruction. Our minds are quite incredible.
My aim is to provide insight and tools to help others on their journeys of personal mastery. Teaching embodiment is foundational to the level of self-acceptance necessary for true personal growth. In two weeks, I am hosting a Personal Mastery Workshop which will be both educational and hands-on. I welcome you to come and join us in opening your mind to get to know your-self.
In a morning conversation today, a wise woman gave me the reminder that human beings, by nature, are tribal and rooted in relationship. I was in thought about how to plan my writing in a way that had the most value and was contemplating how relationships are central to the way we live. Quite often, our identity is deeply woven into the relationships we value. We take on names and titles like mother, wife, and _____ member. No single role title defines who we are, but it certainly gives shape to the greater image we bear.
How I show up to my relationships matters. Conflict is within the realm of relationship. Certainly, on my own I do not need conflict because I can do what I want to do. It’s when the ideas or expectations of others impose on my autonomy that conflict arises. So, in application, conflict is a tool for the shaping of my character. How I receive it, process it, and react to it will always leave an impression on my life and the lives which are entangled with me in that conflict.
You can’t show up in relationships unhealed without exposing others to your pain. You also can’t gain the greatest benefits from relationship until you are whole and able to give and receive without conditions. Yet, we always grow in light of the growing pains in relationship. In other words, the need for repair in relationship triggers mending of the self. If we are blessed with support, that mending reaches a deep, personal level that goes beyond the surface of the connection we are investing in.
Do the work. Heal the parts of you that long to be part of the whole. Integrate yourself so that you can show up and lead others into their greatest journeys. Allow yourself to be lead, through meaningful learning, by others who have walked where you are before you. Embrace connection for all it gives and be willing to show up for your tribe in ways that uplift the lowest and uphold the highest values.
I’m going to take you on a journey through the topic of relationships and help you find your healing. Stay connected for more.
Happy Autumn Blessings! This is absolutely my favorite time of the year, for many reasons. I love the cooler weather and the beautiful colors of nature. For me, this is a slow down time every year. The busyness of summer has fizzled out and the bustle of the holiday season hasn’t quite taken off. It is an atmosphere of peace and contentment.
This year in particular, I am welcoming the slow-down of October. There has been a lot going on! We purchased our forever home and did a complete renovation of this little farmhouse. (It’s still a work in progress.) I expanded my business and now have a local studio location for Bodywork. (Have you checked out that tab yet?) I headed many community projects as I’ve been absorbing myself in the local rural area where we’ve chosen to settle down. Including starting a digital newspaper, which is in large part why my blog has been so quiet all summer. Writing and editing a newspaper takes a chunk of time each week! I also birthed another dream as a branch of my business in Whole Well Women and we just wrapped up the completion of our first ever women’s conference!
To say the least, I’ve been busy. I don’t recommend doing everything you possibly can in life all at once. It’s exhausting! I am ambitious and I took the bargain of a season of hustle to bring me to the point where I can hopefully step back and nurture these things with much less stress. I am incredibly proud of myself for pulling through this year. I know, it isn’t over yet. I still have a book to publish that took a back seat for a while and I am returning to my commitment of regular publishing here. This serves as an update to catch you up on all that’s been pulling me away and let you know, I’m back!
So much more is coming soon! If you haven’t heard it lately, let me remind you- pursue your passions! Create your dreams and show up for your life- the one you really want.
This week I wrote a guest post on another blog. It was a simple encouragement about the possibility of overcoming social anxiety. This is an arena where I have a lot of experience and I have first-hand success in helping people overcome anxiety. There is a defining mindset that absolutely matters when trying to overcome any mental obstacle. What you believe matters.
This could not be more evident than when interacting on social media. People display what they believe in how they respond to any challenging thought. Some people become invested supporters because they see the vision. Others become boisterous opposition because they cannot accept anything that challenges what they believe. Those are the people who are clinging to excuses and are not yet capable of true change. Wouldn’t you know, they came for me when I suggested that anxiety can be overcome! How dare I offer to take away their crutches and show them how to walk!
Okay, I’m being slightly flippant while enjoying the show. I love how people say everything you need to know without speaking. This illuminated a concept for me that is too good not to share. Trigger safety matters.
Where you point the barrel matters. How you place your finger matters. Knowing your equipment matters. If we are talking about real guns, every part of gun safety matters. Who would argue that? Trauma and emotional regulation are a lot like holding a loaded gun. The second the trigger is pulled, your control ends. The bullet will hit what it was aimed at. You have to be prepared for the possible outcomes prior to the trigger pull.
Trauma loads a bullet. It becomes your responsibility to learn your equipment, maintain it in good working order, and always be aware of where the barrel is pointed. Your mind and body are the equipment. If left unattended, unkept, you become vulnerable to someone pulling your trigger. They say guns don’t kill people and there is always a person pulling the trigger. What does that say about trauma and our responsibility to heal?
I know it’s deep, inspiring, or maybe challenging to think about trauma in this way. Just like social anxiety, I believe you can overcome it. Healing is possible.
“In a time of universal deceit – telling the truth is a revolutionary act.” George Orwell
I’ve used four short pages to skip a stone across the surface of two decades of life experience and discovery. I could talk for hours in more depth about the particulars that have led me to some of these thoughts. My purpose in this season is simply to introduce some ideas so that someone might have their lightbulb turned on and someone else might find a companion of like mind on a strange and lonely journey into the truth.
Maybe like I once was, you have found certain truths illuminated and you are trying to navigate between what you thought you knew and what you now know. Maybe you are a little further down the trail and picking the wild flowers of truth that are popping up on either side of the path you are walking. At this point, I hope this series has encouraged you to seek truth and accept the possibility of changing your mind when you find it. I hope you at least comprehend that there are corrupt systems everywhere that do not have your best interest or mine at heart. I hope you understand, know, and believe that you are full of potential, you possess everything you need to heal and thrive. You might need a little help finding it inside of you or some inspiration to create what you were meant to create; that’s okay.
Here is the final Truth, which isn’t so hard to believe but has a lot of hard work and effort behind it to make it reality. Change is on the horizon. The old systems that have secured the blindfold on so many are being exposed and are falling away from those who seek and behold truth. There is a better way. People are incredible creations with passion, purpose, and potential for so much! A lot of us got lost along the way, buried under hurt and trauma. Now some of us have been through the process of healing and finding truth so that we can lift others up and spread hope and love to the world again.
For me, the most positive change was letting go of the expectations (and labels) of others. If you know my story, you know that I am a counselor with extensive training and multiple degrees. At times I have questioned if I wasted much time and money. Yet, I know that everything is useful for learning and growing as a person and professionally. So when I made the decision to not follow through with testing for my LPC (License in Professional Counseling) it was a huge mental battle. I had been taught (brainwashed) to believe that the only good counselor was the one with the right credentials. I spent too much time over the years deciding what those credentials should be for me, earning certifications and credits towards my best laid plans. In fact, I have the degrees and skills for both LPC and MFT credentialling. My heart knew better than to stay on that path. I knew I would be restricted from practicing what I believe and ultimately burn out. It took time, networking, more education – a lot of the self-lead kind, and talking with God to understand what my direction and purpose is. I chose to become a Life Coach. For me, this was the path to freedom for my passion and leading others into freedom as well. No diagnosis, no medication, no dependency on me to fix lives, but the position to share my story and skills and help others in their journeys of healing and learning to live in peace and joy. This is my Why I do what I do.
Let me tell you something amazing about my journey. I’m not just a counselor; I’m an encourager, a hope dealer, a healer and guide, an inspirer, a truth seeker, a networker, a speaker, and a Coach. Helping others to find their voice and healing has come from me finding my own. Sharing on such a deep level has opened doors because my passion flows. I am happy in life and I love my work. I want everyone to feel this way.
I am a psychodynamic Coach. I help people with the broken connections in their lives. Often, that means working through emotional pain, past trauma, and into forgiveness. There isn’t much I haven’t encountered in the many years I’ve been doing this. Sometimes though, there is something I am not meant to walk through with you. Sometimes I am simply not the right person you need. If that is the case, I will help you get to your next destination. Connection is my thing, if you didn’t notice. I have an amazing network of associates and acquaintances who compliment what I do in their own unique ways. As I’ve released this series, I have showcased some of them for you on social media. I want people to know that there are options. I’m not against therapy when it is needed. I do feel that it’s overprescribed and often mismanaged. So many people I’ve worked with have told me they have been in therapy for 15, 20, 30+ years with no results! This usually comes after a couple weeks of working together and they have an amazing breakthrough. Some people are shocked when coaching causes shifts that they didn’t know possible. Shifts, growth, and positive change are part of the process. That’s what coaching can do for you. If you are feeling stuck, and maybe you’ve tried therapy but didn’t really need that method, I believe whole-hearted that coaching can change your life.
Part 4
This is part 4 of a 4 part series that will be released in November & December 2021.
If you enjoyed this topic series and want to know more, look for a new series about life coaching and therapeutic options, coming soon!
My education, my background, and my passion is built on psychology, professional counseling, marriage and family therapy, human services, and a solid belief in the potential to heal brokenness and trauma. I embrace many thoughts and theories about human understanding and behavior. What I don’t embrace is how something that once was about seeking truth has become a system of control. I know there are good intentioned people in that system. Just like there are good doctors and nurses in a corrupt medical system. (Those two arenas are directly connected, in case you didn’t know.)
So with years of experience, exceptional skills, and a passion for helping people, why would I abandon the mental health field?
The System. I could convince you that the system of professionals you will need to get support from is for your benefit. I was trained to do so. You’ll need your primary doctor to check your health and any specialists for particular issues. You’ll need your therapist to talk to, your psychiatrist to prescribe you the pills that will prove you are sane, your social worker to connect you with additional resources, your case manager to oversee all of your appointments and resources, and so on. It sure looks like you have a lot of support! Any one of those individuals might actually support you and have your best interest in mind. Again, it’s not any one or even all of those people and their positions I despise. It’s THE SYSTEM. You won’t find any one of those professionals going rouge and encouraging anything other than the prescribed path of the medical model. Tell them you don’t need the pills or ask for an alternative and natural remedy. Watch the doors slam closed. There is a prescribed path to treatment that ensures everyone gets in on the money.
The Money. (i.e.: insurance). Someone has to be making the decisions that make up the system. It’s your insurance. Most people depend on insurance to pay for anything related to “health.” We have been conditioned to do so. In fact, most people believe that health is defined by this system. Go back and read part 1 about deceptions we accept as reality. This is one of the first areas I started getting blips on my moral antenna. I didn’t see anything that looked like HEALTHcare happening. In fact, I saw a lot of people being encouraged to stay dependent on the system- the exact opposite of caring for their health.
Diagnosis. In order for your insurance to pay for you to talk to someone, you must have a mental health disorder that is diagnosable. All of the time spent on learning how to diagnose people seemed very altruistic. Once I entered the clinical realm, aka real-world application, I had to re-learn how to diagnose everyone for access to services. This ultimately was my breaking point; something I will share more about later. The key here is that your diagnosis links you to other potential services (see #1) and keeps that money flowing through the system.
Mental Health doesn’t exist. This may be the hardest truth you encounter today. It’s made up. It’s an extension of the medical model in which a severed and separate part of you is treated by physical (pharmaceutical) means for spontaneous dysfunction. That cannot be true. You are an ecosystem. There is no spontaneous dysfunction. Everything happens for a reason. Often the reason is simple and logical. Just because we don’t know the reason does not negate a logical cause and effect. The truth is, we actually DO know most of the reasons! (We being humanity, collectively, somewhere among us.) What I am saying is that the truth is out there. It’s hidden, maybe by the system that profits from causing “mental health issues.”
At this point, someone reading this is already rejecting a newly encountered truth. We are most likely to reject truth which threatens our identity. If that is you, let me extend to you grace and hope. You will find what you are meant to find when you are meant to have it. I believe that. Sometimes we see seeds being planted and don’t know when they will grow or what they will become. If you feel a sense of curiosity, of wonder, of intrigue, or any openness to new information, You are on the right path and will continue to find what you are meant to find as you are ready for it. Be blessed.
Part 3
This is part 3 of a 4 part series that will be released in November & December 2021. Part 1 introduces the topic of cognitive dissonance and the foundational truth that not everything is as it seems. Part 2 develops the process of accepting truth and the personal revelations that became apparent to me once I sought truth. Part 3 exposes the system and the moral conflict it creates. It also shines a light on the hope and reason of a better way.
I’ve been through the growth process of encountering truth a few times in my life. First, there is an encounter with a new idea. Second, there is an awareness of the authenticity that is truth. Third, there is the turmoil of cognitive dissonance. Fourth, there comes an acceptance of the truth which sparks great motivation. (For some, the process ends at step four with rejecting the truth.) Fifth, there is a decluttering and organizing process that takes place as old ideas and new ideas are questioned in light of the new truth. This is where there is some letting go of what no longer suites my reality and some embracing of new concepts that seem to fit just right and feel like they’ve been known all along. Finally, there is a time of peace and joy that comes with encountering truth.
I have found that each time something new and true is encountered, the process becomes easier as it grows more familiar. At first the process feels very much like a process and each step can unfold in a very calculated and thoughtful way. At some point, that spiritual sense is stronger and the process is more like a quick flow of simply acknowledging the truth and welcoming it home. Intuition is a muscle that grows stronger with regular exercise.
I invested a lot of years into “higher education” learning skills and gaining understanding of the human mind. My path was a winding road rather than a straight line. Along the way I learned a lot about life, about education, and about what it means to be successful. I learned much more from people and experiences than anything I learned from books. And you should know I am an avid reader who loves books.
When I completed graduate school and stepped into the clinical world, I learned some hard truths. Simply put, I learned that the clinical world was not for me. So much that I encountered created moral conflict for me. I will go deeper on that in the next article. I also learned that, like most industries, the mental health arena is highly guarded, highly regulated, and it is an exclusive club. The price of membership is high; it will cost your moral and ethical dedication to boards of so-called experts who are governed by the same system that uses witchcraft, mind-control, and the love of money to guide all decisions.
I titled this Hard Truths for a reason. Accepting that last revelation was the beginning of my freedom. With an open mind, it can be yours too.
Part 2
This is part 2 of a 4-part series that will be released in November & December 2021. Part 1 introduces the topic of cognitive dissonance and the foundational truth that not everything is as it seems. Part 2 develops the process of accepting truth and the personal revelations that became apparent to me once I sought truth.
Mellow Moment Holistic Wellness 