Category: Success

Posted on in Healing, mindset, Success

Perspective is Powerful

What is the difference between a victim and a survivor? One views the offence as destructive and insurmountable, while the latter views the offence as an experience requiring coping and healing. Some situations can be a catalyst for change and growth in one person and yet can be an excuse for faltering in another. As I search for answers and a tangible path forward in the realm of healing, I look for tools that can turn a victim into a survivor. Possibly the most powerful tool I have ever encountered is perspective.

There is a saying that I quote a lot, “Everything you need is already inside of you.” There are various individuals whom that statement is attributed to, with a variety of different wording choices. I consider it public domain because it is a simple and timeless understanding that I believe to be part of the greater unconscious wisdom humanity carries. I remember the first time I heard that statement. It was spoken directly to me, in response to a situation I was facing, as a sort of answer on how I would overcome the obstacles I was facing. I can recall several other occasions of which that statement was repeated as a sort of confirmation that I was on the right path. Once I understood the power of perspective, that idea that all I need is inside of me became illuminated in a new way. Perspective is mine, an internal representation of what is happening in my environment.

First, we have perception. If conscious understanding is a two-way street, perception is the information coming in, while perspective is the information going out. We perceive the world around us through experience. The angle from which we see, the pieces we hear, process, and understand, and all the analytical data our minds can grasp form a perception. Our physical senses collect the data but our internal environment filters how we read it. A loud bang in a public space can be a curious occurrence, something exciting, or something terrifying, depending on the filter it is perceived through.

Then, whatever we have perceived and processed becomes projected through our perspective. One person, who has trauma involving gunshot, might have the perspective that the bang is a threat, or at the least an inappropriate action, and feel a proper response it to leave or escape the environment. Another person, who has worked in a factory and is desensitized to loud sounds from a loading dock, might barely register the bang and act as if nothing happened. A young child with no negative experience and no life experience involving loud sounds might become curious and look for the source of the noise to learn more about it. There is a valuable bit of wisdom in this example; the experience does not have the same power as the perspective which is formed around it.

What if changing your perspective could change your whole life, for the better? Would you want that outcome? If I told you that changing your perspective is a growth process, it does not come easily, but you are absolutely capable of success, would you invest in the process? Your answer to that question reveals your perspective about your inherent value. Yes, you are worthy of loving yourself and having the peace and abundance you desire. Your value is not in question, but maybe your perspective needs a tune up. Let’s fix that together.

Photo by Anthony DeRosa

If you found value in this article and would like to start a journey with life coaching, click here to send me a message.

Posted on in embodiment, mindset, Success

The Work of Life

In the work that I do, I am privileged to a multitude of insights and perspectives. From one-on-one coaching sessions to support groups, working with individuals, couples, and family dynamics, and being presented with personal experiences from any category of life you can think of. It’s a blessing for an inquiring mind. I’ve always been fascinated by the human mind with a disposition towards wanting to understand how things (and people) work. Even with all of this data surrounding my everyday conversations, my best teacher has been my own experience.

Often, I am perplexed by the passiveness by which people choose to live their lives. There’s an old saying about humans being creatures of habit and surely that is what I see more often than not. Over many years, life is made up of simple routines and repeat activities for so many people. Here’s the catch; if your routines and activities are that which you want your life to be made of, you’re living the dream! However, for many people there is a heavy cloak of unhappiness, regret, and discontentment that veils the life they don’t really want to be living.

Life is work, plain and simple. Either you will work hard at carrying a heavy burden and presenting a facade to the people you care about, or you will work hard to build that which makes you truly happy. There is no lazy life because inactivity sacrifices experience. In certain moments we may float through life without much active ambition, but if those moments persist, we will miss out on the actual living.

Time and time again, I hear people complain about effort. Things are labeled as “too hard” and so passions are given up. Inconveniences become overwhelming and so things with meaning are neglected and never taken up again. The irony is that these same people appear to be blind to how much effort they expend making excuses and rerouting their lives into things that suck all of their energy with negativity. It’s exhausting to observe and so frustrating to know that a matter of choice could literally change the world for a person.

Think about it. Then decide what you want and live your life to the fullest, accomplishing your purpose, your dreams, and the great adventures of life. It might be difficult and even full of obstacles, but you were made to do it.

Posted on in mindset, Success

The Truth About Self-Care

It’s become repeated so much that it’s almost nauseating to say, self-care. What is self-care and are you doing it wrong? Most people have the completely wrong idea about what this thing is and how to go about it. Let me help you see it a little differently.

The answers are usually similar when I ask, “what are you doing to take care of yourself?” Popular responses include, watching tv, taking a yearly vacation, walking the dog, eating something to sooth emotions, getting a pedicure, and going out to lunch with friends every couple of months. Some people are surprised to learn that none of that is self-care. Some of it qualifies as self-pampering and that’s an okay thing to do! Some of it is the opposite of care and is actually toxic and destructive.

So, what is self-care? Let’s look at this from another angle. If you were given sole responsibility of a small child for the day, what kinds of things would you do to take care of her? There are some obvious basics like safety and nourishment. That would get you by for a moment and is absolutely necessary care. Spend a little more time with your tiny tot and you will quickly realize she has needs for connection, affection, releasing energy, engaging imagination, learning, exploring her environment, etc. The care of a child is quite involved in order for her to thrive and flourish.

As an adult, you are the provider of self-care, or in other words, the sole responsible party to meet your basic care needs. You become, figuratively, the small child you are caring for and the responsible adult providing that care. Your self-care should look like the things you do every day to meet your physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. The occasional spa day or vacation can certainly contribute to that but it’s not enough alone! Imagine someone asking how things are going with taking care of your new little bundle-of-joy and you respond, “Well she got a massage last month and there is a family vacation coming up next summer she’s looking forward to.” That’s often the kind of mindset I encounter with self-care.

There is so much you can do for yourself. It comes down to individual decisions. Every choice you make throughout every day can contribute to your self-care being a healthy expression of self-love. Our needs are fairly consistent throughout life even though how we meet them can change.

So, how are you taking care of yourself today?

Posted on in embodiment, mindset, personal development, Success

Movement

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Since the word March is both the current month and an action one can perform, it seems fitting to make this month all about movement. (Yes, I am a grammar nerd.) In this 2022 series, last month we talked about embodiment which includes how we move in and live in our bodies. This month I want to talk about movement because it is absolutely foundational to health and wellness.

If you fail to move, you will allow disorder in the body. Most people who encounter disease give up movement in the process. It is cyclic cause and effect. Even the “mental health disorders” directly affect physical movement. Depression generates lethargy. Anxiety gives rise to “freezing” or feeling paralyzed to act or move. Psychosis can in fact lock someone in their head, causing dissociation from the body and mental absence from the present moment. When movement ceases, the many systems of the body deteriorate and create complex issues. At this moment, I want to say that if you are struggling with a mental or physical ailment that resonates with this idea, please seek professional help. You must have support and a process to get healthy again.

For those of us who fall into the range of normal in our health and wellness, even if there is room for improvement, let’s talk about how we are moving. How active are you? Do you move from one place to another throughout the day with little to no physical activity? How often do you exercise for pleasure? Something strange has happened in our culture where exercise became a dirty word and people who are physically unhealthy look down on people who do it. I believe we need to get back to exercise being the norm. Not necessarily going to a gym or artificial movement, although for some that is a great outlet. We need to learn to find our natural movement and embrace it. We are alive and should be active!

Over the upcoming weeks, if you follow me on social media, I am going to be sharing little thoughts and tips all about movement. I hope you will check it out and actually ponder each concept. If you identify an obstacle in your mindset or motivation about movement and increasing your physical health, connect with me. I’d love to support you and provide accountability in your journey.

Posted on in personal development, Spirituality, Success

Embodiment

What do you think of when you hear the word “embody“? The idea of embodiment involves giving a physical form or expression to something. We can embody a value through personification. It has to do with tangible expression. I want you to think of it as simply experiencing your existence through your physical body.

Assuming you are a human reading this, you are a physical being. You are a body, illuminated with life, with the ability to experience living through your senses. We have senses that come through our physical organs, mind and soul. If you are not grounded in your body and aware of your senses, you may potentially miss a lot of the experience of living.

Humanity is privileged with organized thought. The mind is a powerful tool that advances us through both societal progression and personal development. However, a pitfall of the mind is getting caught up in your headspace. People are chronic overthinkers. The responsibilities we’ve created lead to stress which leaves us overthinking more and less embodied. I’m on a mission to change that.

Embodiment is the experience of feeling what you touch, or what touches you. It is seeing what’s in front of you, listening to comprehend, tasting what nourishes you, and so much more. It is an awareness of how your body responds to your environment. It is the presence of emotion, awareness of meaning, and understanding how to respond. It is how you experience the world around you and yourself.

This is such an exciting and powerful topic. Every week I work with individuals on the process of embodiment and how to build these skills. I’ve seen it work to reduce stress, reduce pain, increase happiness, discover passion, heal relationships, and increase quality of life, work, and success. If you want to develop your skills and realize your own embodiment journey, let’s connect.

Posted on in Personal Thoughts, Success

The Myth of Multitasking

In the corporate world, diversity of ability is an asset. If one person can do the jobs of three people, that person can save the company the cost of personnel and make more money by completing more work. Some people believe that the ability to do multiple jobs is necessary to be successful. Maybe you are one of them. The value of honing a craft and being very skilled at one thing seems lost in time in some ways.

Even if you are not in the corporate business world, you may believe in the same principles of productivity on a personal level. The image of “Super Mom” who is the perfect mom, wife, housekeeper, secretary, manager, personal assistant, accountant, taxi, etc. still exists as a model that women of all ages strive for. It seems that many believe that being busy equates to being successful.

Often when you are “multitasking” you are simply transitioning among different tasks quickly and efficiently. It is a matter of organization. Understandably, organization is a productive strength. The trouble comes when this becomes a preferred mode of functioning or a lifestyle. Busyness without adequate rest builds toxic stress.

Take an inventory of your activities. Would you consider yourself a busy person? Are you overworking because you lack boundaries? Is it a season or a lifestyle? Are you getting rest; physically, mentally, and thoroughly?

This is a friendly reminder: Take care of yourself. Rest is essential to thriving.

Posted on in mindset, Success

Mindset Power

You will find what you’re looking for.

What if I tell you that you have the power to create your reality? Would you believe it? What would you do with that power?

There is a reality absent of thoughts or feelings. It is made of facts and laws. It is a fact that it is 73 degrees Fahrenheit in Ohio today. It is natural law that as the acorns are released from the tree they will fall to the ground and not float suspended in the air.

There are also many versions of reality which exist in the minds of those who perceive the natural world. Your perception is your reality. That is affected by facts and truth as well as input from others that we accept. We have great influence and power to change how we see things.

Perception is about focus. What I focus on will shape my perspective. In simplest form; perspective can either be positive or negative. Attributing “good” and “bad” can be a learned behavior. It is a way that boundaries are modeled and manipulated. For example; children are told what is bad and taught to avoid such. We also can choose what is positive or negative personally by what aligns with the truth that we accept.

If your focus is on negatives, limitations, and obstacles, that is what you will see in front of you. You will find what you’re looking for. Focus on what is positive, opportunities, and possibilities, if you want to shift your reality.

Posted on in personal development, Success

A Balance Checkpoint

If you’ve traveled highways you’ve likely seen a sign for a weigh station. Trucks that haul goods have to make stops at those stations for a check up. Physics dictate that hauling too much weight is bad for the truck and the road. Being overloaded can be dangerous to self and others.

The human mind is a lot like a truck in that way. Hauling around too much weight and being overloaded is dangerous and not healthy. If you keep heaping on mental and emotional burdens without ever organizing or dropping some of the load you are headed for disaster.

I love the image of the scale and use it often with my clients. Imagine that there is a scale before you much like the old fashion golden saucers used in mining. That scale is hanging on a rope of which you are holding the other end. You must pull that rope to level the scale and every ounce of weight added is a burden you physically feel and must leverage against. How hard do you want to work?

Every thing in your life represents a weight. Your relationships, your possessions, your thoughts; they all have a weight value. Some things are rather light and other things are rather heavy. The things you choose to take on you will bear the weight of.

Now imagine that your scale is poised on a pulley that helps you resist the weight. That pulley is your personal support, or how you take care of yourself. The more you invest in your care the bigger and better that pulley is. In fact, you can have an entire pulley system that displaces the weight and helps you to bear the load. Those pulleys and parts are made up of your support system; the people and things which have a positive impact on your life. So even a heavier load can be more easily managed with the right support system.

You still have to hold your rope. You must bear the burden of your life, even with a great support system there is work. Sometimes others will add weights to your scale. Sometimes you will need to remove some things and make wise adjustments. You can always expand your pulley system. Please take the time often to not only build, but to oil and maintain your supports. Take time for a balance checkpoint. Does your scale need tidying? Does your support system need some attention?

Posted on in personal development, Success

Life is a Verb

It is the first week of January. A new month, a new year, a new decade is upon us. This time is symbolic of hope, aspirations and resolutions. The common joke is that it will all be discarded in the upcoming weeks as reality comes crashing down around us. Life goes on as it always does.

All the good intentions of the recent resolutions made come from a true place of desire. A desire to change, to prosper, and to get more out of life. It doesn’t have to be a January thing. Change can be an active way to live. The alternative is a passive existence.

How often do we settle for a passive existence? The television that sits on it’s throne which we all gather around speaks to this chosen lifestyle of passivity. We give up hours watching someone else live! We buy into fairy tales scripted to feed our desires for something more. Those hours turn into days, into weeks, and before we know it we have lost time and so much more.

We don’t have to lose that time. I disconnected the cable long ago and am so much happier without it. I can barely find spare time to fit in all of what I want to do and I wonder how I ever found time to sit idly in front of that screen. The television itself isn’t an evil. An occasional family movie night can be a great way to connect and share a laugh. All technology is useful and has the potential for good. Is it a tool you are using or is it using you?

I would love to talk to more people who are connected to others and their passions. So many people answer the question “How do you relax?” with the familiar “I watch TV.” I don’t believe that drama and media provide much if any relaxation. However, a cup of tea at a cafe with a friend, completing that art project, taking a walk outside, or doing something with your hands and mind might just do something good for you.

Whether you have a long list of resolutions or you haven’t even tried to make up one; consider taking an inventory of how you spend your time and see if maybe there is a connection or passion that could better serve you as you start this new year.

Posted on in personal development, Success

So much “stuff”

Do you have clutter in your home? So often we casually allow clutter to become a normal thing. I find it very interesting how Merriam-Webster defines clutter:

 

clutter

noun

1a: a crowded or confused mass or collection
“a clutter of motels and restaurants”
b: things that clutter a place
“tried to minimize the unnecessary clutter in her house”
2: interfering radar echoes caused by reflection from objects (as on the ground) other than the target
3: chiefly dialectal : DISTURBANCE, HUBBUB

The keywords which stand out to me are; confused, unnecessary, and disturbance. These accurately describe how I feel when I am around clutter. Over the past few years I have been on a journey toward minimalism. For awhile the lifestyle called “minimalism” was a hot topic which inspired books, television shows, and a lot of new year resolutions! There is no exact science to what living minimalist looks like because it is different for everyone. For me, it’s about doing more with less. Many of the people I work with struggle with organizing and ridding clutter. I like to share what works for me and I have found it to help many others.

The needs which are common to all people can be satisfied when a person has both a place and a purpose. Our basic physical, emotional, and social needs are satisfied when we have a place to belong. Our higher intellectual/emotional needs are satisfied by having a purpose to accomplish. I truly believe that we must find our place and purpose to be healthy and grow.

If I can personify my “stuff” in this way, it becomes apparent how to rid clutter and organize my home and life. I consider this to be why our stuff is called belongings. That which belongs in my life must have a place and a purpose which compliments my own place and purpose. With this value system in place, I can assess any item and find where it belongs. “Does this item have a functional place in my home?” “Does this item have a functional purpose in my life?” If I cannot validate either of those questions, the item needs to go somewhere it will have a place and purpose. 

My value based assessment is very simple and easy to apply. It has helped me to re-home & re-purpose a significant amount of stuff as I have downsized more than 50% in under two years. It has helped many others along the journey of organizing life and I hope it will help you.