Category: Spirituality

Posted on in Identity, Spirituality

Divine Feminine Potential

“She is a wild, tangled forest with temples and treasures concealed within.” – John Mark Green

It was the beginning of December, an end in itself. I was in the hustle and bustle of a high school basketball tournament in Indianapolis. The Pacer Athletic Center has eight courts which were all active with games all at once. Every squeaking shoe, dribbled ball, yelling teammates and coaches, whistles, buzzers, cheering fans by the hundreds; pure noise, amplified. It’s enough to make your head pound, your ears hurt, and you find total exhaustion after many hours. Still, somehow, when you get into a game all the noise blends together and you can get so in the moment and be present court side for your team.

That’s where I was, completely absorbed into a game for the varsity girls, when my healing journey brought me to a new, deeper level of spiritual awakening. I had no idea that basketball could yield a spiritual experience. It can be emotional to watch a game when you are connected to the players. There is tangible energy in the flow of teamwork, success, and setbacks. Certainly other parents and fans can relate to feeling a rush of joy when points are scored or the frustration when a skilled opponent gets the gain. On this particular day, something much deeper stirred in my soul as I watched 10 young women fight for a victory on the court.

There was a distinct moment when I did not see us versus them. The colors of the uniforms didn’t matter and the numbers on the score board were irrelevant. I realized I was surrounded by, and affected by, pure feminine potential. This isn’t to discount the boys in any way. Rather, it’s personal and profound that I recognized and tapped into the energy of what these young women are doing. I’ve been walking out a part of my own journey where I am facing and dealing with some childhood attachment issues and inner child wounds. I had once thought that I had adequately dealt with these layers until I recognized that you can remodel an entire house but the foundation remains and it will need a little work from time to time.

In the weeks before this moment, I recognized that I was grieving. I did not want to be, but I needed to release the pain and that’s what grieving does. I was grieving losses; of people, relationships, broken dreams, missed opportunities, and most of all parts of my identity that I had either sacrificed or never realized. Heavy stuff.

Grief, doubt, insecurity, and all the negative emotions we carry are not visible. On a basketball court, even the least confident player appears poised and capable to the average onlooker. As I watched the girls playing their hearts out, I saw confidence, intelligence, grace, assurance, dedication, and real, raw beauty. Honestly, I saw so much more than words can describe. They were flawless. They possessed the spirit of divine potential. For the first time in my conscious awareness I scanned a crowd and thought, “This is how God sees people.” I felt an overflowing of love and care for these beautiful ladies and there was not a shadow of doubt in my mind that they can do anything they desire.

I wished that they could feel for themselves what I was feeling for them in that moment. Connecting with my own inner child has revealed to me that I often felt I wasn’t loved for who I am so much as for what I could do or provide for others. So, I hid away the parts of me that were unlovable or unwanted. I created a version of me that made people happy, and I played the role of the people pleaser to keep from making waves. I allowed stagnant water by damning up my potential where there was meant to be a mighty, rushing river. Now, I look around and can see others who have done the same. Healing might require clearing away the sticks and logs a little at a time. Imagine what might happen to the world if we would free up and flow in the divine potential we were created with. If only we would get in the game of life like these ladies do on the basketball court.

Posted on in Emotions, Spirituality

Therapeutic Art Workshops

Photo by Dan Cristian

Have you heard about Inspired Brush Strokes the new therapeutic art workshop I am offering? This is an amazing opportunity for community connection, emotional release, and Spirit filled worship through the gift of artistic expression. Don’t think you have artistic talent? Let me show you what you can do!

If you know me, you know I am an artist at heart! Some of my favorite expressive tools are music, paint, photography, and the written word. I use all of these and more in my work and personal environment. So often what I do with people is verbal; we talk. Language is a powerful tool for processing deep things. Sometimes, there is something deeper than words can express. Some pain that is buried may be too hard to speak of. Some joy that is under the surface needs a way to flow out! I have found that the fluid, malleable nature of paint is a perfect medium for wordless expressions.

God can touch the heart, in the depths of places where people can’t reach. Healing can happen in an environment of true worship and reverence to the Creator of the creative! That is the inspiration for Inspired Brush Strokes. It’s a partnership with the Holy Spirit in which we dive deep into worship and allow the fullness of free expression to flow through the brush. I have seen amazing things happen! People find peace and renewal. Chains of guilt, shame, condemnation and fear are broken. Healing happens and relationships are mended. Purpose is found. Grace is received.

This is a local workshop available to churches, businesses, and groups. If you would like to host a workshop and invite me to lead this experience, please contact me at sanders.connected@gmail.com

Posted on in Spirituality

Silent Night

The season of Christmas is typically full of fun, good wishes, and loving exchange. From the music to the gatherings, Christmas is all about joy and peace on earth. Yet, there is a part of the holiday season that is rarely spoken of; the darker side.

To the widower, Christmas might be a lonely time of memories that comes with tears. To the empty nester, it’s truly a silent night. To the mother and father who have lost a child, it might be a struggle to see other families having what they can no longer experience. To the orphan, maybe another year of hope for a family that feels as though it’s slipping away. To the broken hearted, the sentiment of the season might be lost from their sight. The truth is there are many people who are struggling every day and Christmas is no different. There is no Santa Clause and there is no magic to make life easy.

That is quite a depressing reality. However, I don’t believe that the pain of life comes without hope. In fact, the stories of Santa Clause do not hold a candle to the true gift of Jesus. “For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.” 1 Corinthians 13:12

I recently saw a statement (author unknown) which said, “The first Christmas was simple. Yours can be too.” It was in the spirit of minimalism and speaking against consumerism and the commercial and material driven holiday. It stuck with me. When everything else is out of place or falling apart, when people disappoint, when expectations fail; Jesus is enough. This is a fitting concept for Christmas but certainly it applies to everything else! When I look away from what truly matters, before long nothing really matters. Yet, when I focus on everything I have in my Savior, all the troubles and heartache of the world fade to the background.

So tonight and for the many silent nights ahead; I am grateful for True Love and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding.

Posted on in Identity, Spirituality

Identity

“Remember who you are.” -Mufasa

Yes, I’m quoting a cartoon. Truthfully, how profound a statement for a father to give to his son! All of Simba’s authority was settled in who his father was. His enemy planted a lie that took root and grew insecurities. So long as he was distracted by fear, he roamed about powerless and outside of his home. He only had to remember his true identity to step into his authority and change the world.

What a parallel to the spiritual atmosphere today! There is a prodigal son storyline there. People, sons and daughters, are living powerless, defeated, and far from home because they have no understanding of their identity.

We have a Father who reminds us… Remember who you are. “As many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, to those who believe in His name.” John 1:12

Posted on in Spirituality

Chasing Chickens

It was late in the afternoon and the hot sun was low. While transitioning the poultry from the barn out to their open run, one rogue chicken slipped away from the group. I followed the chicken closely as it ran around the corner. Every time I would lean in to pick her up she would skip, flap, and hustle away quickly. She didn’t want to be caught. A brisk pace quickly made one pass around the run become two, then three. I chose to fall back and watch her from a distance until she would calm down and come back to me. She wanted in the pen with the others; they instinctively stay together for safety. However, she was distracted by green things and bugs to peck at. I allowed her to frolic around the yard for a little while and when she was ready I opened the gate for her and she went home.

I believe God meets us where we are. He is not outside of our experience. He is not unwilling to speak through the ordinary. “For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse:” Romans 1:20.

As I observed the loose chicken I understood that she was simply doing what a chicken does. I thought about humanity. How often do we cluck along, doing what we do, while the Good Shepherd follows and watches for our safe keeping? Though we are giving our attention to ordinary things, He is close by keeping the gate for us.

I followed the stray bird and gave her my full attention because the rest of the flock was safe within the walls that were built for their security. This spoke to me of the parable from Luke 15:3-7 of the one lost sheep. My favorite gospel song from my childhood says “You may be deep in the valley of sin, wandering lost and alone. Well the Good Shepherd is looking for you and he wants to bring you back into the fold. ‘Cuz one lost sheep is worth the world to him. He’ll leave the flock behind just to lead one home again.” -Mid South Boys.

Today I am thankful that when I was the lost sheep there was a Good Shepherd searching for me, ready to bring me home again. My wandering did not change my identity or my place. You can always come home.

Posted on in Identity, Personal Thoughts, Spirituality

Going Through the Desert

When I learned I would be relocating to the Desert as my new home, I did not want to go. This wasn’t my plan. In fact, I didn’t really have a specific plan. I was very open to going wherever a new adventure could be found. There were only two places I did not want to go; an island or a desert.

I decided to say “Yes, I will go” in my heart rather than approach this change with resentment. I was determined to make the best of the situation. That included doing a lot of research, talking to people who had been there, and trying to prepare myself for something I had never experienced and couldn’t comprehend. Everything about the desert and the big city I was headed to was foreign to me. I had no idea the scale to which these new things would be; bigger than my imagination.

Arriving was overwhelming. Anything familiar was absent. The environment was dirty and depressing. The people were strange and sometimes cruel. Within the first year my heart had moved into a spiritual desert as well. Despite trying to connect I found myself feeling very isolated. Then the shaky ground in my home and marriage began to crumble. I didn’t even recognize my life as my own anymore. So I turned my focus onto myself looking for some relief.

A year in the desert revealed my weakness and I began to think from a perspective of survival. I lost my sight for anything but what was in front of me. For another year I lived in a world of emotional escape. I checked out of life emotionally and just moved through one day at a time, appeasing the “desires of the flesh” because attention, approval, and the substances that numbed my senses and my pain were tangible comforts. I got lost in myself.

For a time, I thought I was coping with my devastation quite well. I was lonely but never alone. I was happy when I could quiet the discomfort. My life had the appearance of tidy tension; it was a difficult moment but I was holding it together. Inside I was spiraling into feeling hopeless and lost. The more difficulty that appeared at home, in my marriage, in my husband’s health, in the needs of my children, the further I hid away emotionally. Distance became my buffer because I couldn’t handle the weight of everything alone.

The reality which I can see clearly now is that I chose isolation even though it hurt me. In a moment of weakness, I believed my senses over truth. I saw darkness. I heard silence. I felt overwhelmed and confused. I unconsciously chose to believe my perception over God’s truth. “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9.

I had a strong faith from childhood. Throughout the years I have encountered things that shook my faith. I have watched people fail and been hurt deeply a few times along the way. I’ve experienced moments of doubt, self-reliance, and rebellion. Always, God is faithful. When people fail, Jesus has already won. When people cause wounds, Jesus heals. I know this because I’ve lived it. I have failed more than I want to admit but my failure has never changed God’s heart for me.

I really understood this after I came out of my season in the desert. I missed out on so much by agreeing with my fears instead of agreeing with my Savior. You see, my struggle did not change my position. Reaching the lowest low of my life did not dictate my identity as a child of God. “For you are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus.” Galatians 3:26. I’m still learning to trust God with all of my heart and lean not on my own understanding (Proverbs 3:5). Surely, I know that my understanding is colored by emotions, circumstances, and my own perception.

I left the desert and returned to my old home. I never thought I would relate to the prodigal son. Yet, through the embrace of people who love Jesus I experienced once again the tangible love of Jesus. I recognized how far I had wandered and when I decided to run back I found nothing but love. Now that I am home, physically and spiritually, I am listening to my Father’s voice and understanding who I am on a deeper level than I have ever known before. I can’t hold regret for lost time because I am thankful for the contrast. Darkness cannot hide light. It was in my greatest weakness that I discovered I need to lean on His strength.

Posted on in Spirituality

Hope in a Dark World.

It’s a week before Christmas. This season of holiday time and festivities elicits the image of a bustling, happy home full of family and food. Gifts are plentiful and people gather round a warm fireplace or couch for conversations and shared memories. Many a Hallmark movie would have us believe that this is the standard of acceptable activity in the coming week. There is peace on earth and good tidings everywhere!

What if that image doesn’t fit your home, your family, or your outlook? What if you aren’t “okay” this moment or this season? What if realities like loneliness, grief, broken relationship, poverty, abuse, addiction, or depression are closer than peace on earth? For many, this is a season of getting through, pressing on, or hoping for a better tomorrow.

If you don’t feel merry and bright in this moment, that’s okay. You’re not alone and you’re not defined by your emotions. Emotions serve to communicate something; whether an indicator to us internally or an expression of the internal to someone on the outside. They are useful and good but they are not in control. It’s okay to feel and it’s okay to act according to the reality you choose even if that doesn’t follow your emotions. Decision and action are powerful means to affect reality, as reality is largely perception.

There is one decision that stands forefront in the hearts of humankind which has the power to affect perception and reality like none other; to accept the gift of grace that God freely gives which provides peace and hope. This decision is yours despite your circumstances or emotions.
“Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost.” Romans 15:13.