Category: mindset

Posted on in Healing, mindset, Success

Perspective is Powerful

What is the difference between a victim and a survivor? One views the offence as destructive and insurmountable, while the latter views the offence as an experience requiring coping and healing. Some situations can be a catalyst for change and growth in one person and yet can be an excuse for faltering in another. As I search for answers and a tangible path forward in the realm of healing, I look for tools that can turn a victim into a survivor. Possibly the most powerful tool I have ever encountered is perspective.

There is a saying that I quote a lot, “Everything you need is already inside of you.” There are various individuals whom that statement is attributed to, with a variety of different wording choices. I consider it public domain because it is a simple and timeless understanding that I believe to be part of the greater unconscious wisdom humanity carries. I remember the first time I heard that statement. It was spoken directly to me, in response to a situation I was facing, as a sort of answer on how I would overcome the obstacles I was facing. I can recall several other occasions of which that statement was repeated as a sort of confirmation that I was on the right path. Once I understood the power of perspective, that idea that all I need is inside of me became illuminated in a new way. Perspective is mine, an internal representation of what is happening in my environment.

First, we have perception. If conscious understanding is a two-way street, perception is the information coming in, while perspective is the information going out. We perceive the world around us through experience. The angle from which we see, the pieces we hear, process, and understand, and all the analytical data our minds can grasp form a perception. Our physical senses collect the data but our internal environment filters how we read it. A loud bang in a public space can be a curious occurrence, something exciting, or something terrifying, depending on the filter it is perceived through.

Then, whatever we have perceived and processed becomes projected through our perspective. One person, who has trauma involving gunshot, might have the perspective that the bang is a threat, or at the least an inappropriate action, and feel a proper response it to leave or escape the environment. Another person, who has worked in a factory and is desensitized to loud sounds from a loading dock, might barely register the bang and act as if nothing happened. A young child with no negative experience and no life experience involving loud sounds might become curious and look for the source of the noise to learn more about it. There is a valuable bit of wisdom in this example; the experience does not have the same power as the perspective which is formed around it.

What if changing your perspective could change your whole life, for the better? Would you want that outcome? If I told you that changing your perspective is a growth process, it does not come easily, but you are absolutely capable of success, would you invest in the process? Your answer to that question reveals your perspective about your inherent value. Yes, you are worthy of loving yourself and having the peace and abundance you desire. Your value is not in question, but maybe your perspective needs a tune up. Let’s fix that together.

Photo by Anthony DeRosa

If you found value in this article and would like to start a journey with life coaching, click here to send me a message.

Posted on in embodiment, mindset, Success

The Work of Life

In the work that I do, I am privileged to a multitude of insights and perspectives. From one-on-one coaching sessions to support groups, working with individuals, couples, and family dynamics, and being presented with personal experiences from any category of life you can think of. It’s a blessing for an inquiring mind. I’ve always been fascinated by the human mind with a disposition towards wanting to understand how things (and people) work. Even with all of this data surrounding my everyday conversations, my best teacher has been my own experience.

Often, I am perplexed by the passiveness by which people choose to live their lives. There’s an old saying about humans being creatures of habit and surely that is what I see more often than not. Over many years, life is made up of simple routines and repeat activities for so many people. Here’s the catch; if your routines and activities are that which you want your life to be made of, you’re living the dream! However, for many people there is a heavy cloak of unhappiness, regret, and discontentment that veils the life they don’t really want to be living.

Life is work, plain and simple. Either you will work hard at carrying a heavy burden and presenting a facade to the people you care about, or you will work hard to build that which makes you truly happy. There is no lazy life because inactivity sacrifices experience. In certain moments we may float through life without much active ambition, but if those moments persist, we will miss out on the actual living.

Time and time again, I hear people complain about effort. Things are labeled as “too hard” and so passions are given up. Inconveniences become overwhelming and so things with meaning are neglected and never taken up again. The irony is that these same people appear to be blind to how much effort they expend making excuses and rerouting their lives into things that suck all of their energy with negativity. It’s exhausting to observe and so frustrating to know that a matter of choice could literally change the world for a person.

Think about it. Then decide what you want and live your life to the fullest, accomplishing your purpose, your dreams, and the great adventures of life. It might be difficult and even full of obstacles, but you were made to do it.

Posted on in mindset, Spirituality

Magic Numbers and Intuition

If you would only keep your eyes open long enough, surely you would see the signs and mentions of things beyond the normal. Some call it supernatural, or paranormal, or spiritual, among other things. Maybe it’s magic, or maybe we just miss the absolute wonder of life that is always there. Open the eyes of understanding and after awhile the lines a separation begin to fade and everything appears to be connected in ways that are undeniably perfection in their creation. There is no lack of beauty, awe, or wonder all around us if only we would find it. Give it some time, and that which first seems beyond the normal will become quite normal after all.

Once in the realm of superstition, now there is a wide acceptance of simple things having profound meaning. Have you ever seen an angel number? Have you ever noticed a pattern of something popping up in your life as if to present an important message? Have you ever noticed your intuition guiding you toward or away from something without questioning the logic behind it?

We can accept that patterns exist in almost everything. Cycles are the way of the world; the clock repeats every 12 hours, every day has a sunrise and sunset, each month holds a new moon and it’s circle of fullness, the year has it’s seasons, and so on. It’s our awareness of anything outside of self that causes us to notice these nuances and become an active part of the great system. All possibility already exists and anything that will be is already in motion. Most people coast through life unaware of so much that exists all around them. Yet, when the internal world of our awareness and intuition allows us to focus on the synchronicity of everything we are a part of, there is power in our action. That power is intention.

When anything shows up in our awareness, the power is not in that thing, but in our awareness of the potential so that we can set an intention to influence anything. Actions influence outcomes. Words set intentions. Thoughts facilitate energy. Emotions align our intentions and values. Everything is connected. Potential is unlimited. Life is full of magic when you’re living it.

Posted on in embodiment, Emotions, mindset

Healing the Body Through Stress-Response

When you are stressed-out, what does it feel like? Is your mind cluttered, bogged down, or racing? Is your body tense or exhausted? The particular combination of symptoms that we might experience with stress is different for each person and often different with each situation. Yet, we all experience stress at times with different levels of severity. So what is stress?

Physical stress is a form of strain or exerted pressure. As a building is constructed, there is stress on the structure as it bears the load of each layer. In physical mechanics it is necessary for stress to be balanced and dispersed so that there is no point over stressed and weakening the overall structure. This applies to the human body as well.

Only in the body, it’s not stress on steel beams or wooden floors from weight and tension. It’s a balance of chemicals and emotions that apply pressure to the physical structure of the body. Just as a broken screw can compromise a building over time, a broken neuroreceptor can compromise the physical health of the body over time. In both cases, the issue may not be apparent until something big enough strikes, like a hurricane- either of water or emotion, that overwhelms the system and causes it to fail.

Emotions are powerful. They have a great physical impact on the body. The ripple effect can alter hormones, neurotransmitters, and consciousness. If you want to take a deep dive, study the emotion to body connection and impact of serotonin, dopamine, gamma-aminobutyric, glutamate, and norepinephrine, just to get you started. Emotions can stem from the release of these kinds of chemicals, but they can also create the release when the body follows the action to thought pathway. There is a lot of research that reveals just how we can control the body through mindset and thoughts.

If any of this is new to you, I encourage you to get well acquainted with your body and the literature that teaches you how to take control and drive these processes. To change the world, I must first change myself. Go and do likewise. I’ve got resources to help you on your journey.

Posted on in embodiment, mindset

It’s Already There

Maybe you’ve been told that everything you need is already inside of you. You are fully equipped with the biological capacity to thrive, heal, grow, and adapt. Your body, mind, and spirit are interconnected, intelligent, and creative. Isn’t it fascinating?

In fact, anything you could ever want or need is already out there on a trajectory of it’s own manifestation. If you can think it, it is possible. Technology proves that humanity can take raw substance and develop complex systems and tools. You simply have align yourself with that trajectory to come across what you need to accomplish what you want. It’s so very simple.

It breaks my heart when people resist the answer to their needs. Sometimes I have an answer, possessing knowledge that can alleviate much suffering, but if the person is unwilling to receive it, that knowledge is powerless to that person in the moment. The only thing that stands between a person and their healing is their mindset. The mind is such a powerful thing that can manifest miracles and also imprison the inhabitant if the wrong programming is installed.

How have you been programmed? What is your mind resisting, allowing, or manifesting?

Posted on in mindset, personal development

Planned Failure

Welcome to January 2023! It’s officially the prime time for goal desertion and resolution repo. A lot of folks came running into the new year with lofty ambitions and shiny new goals and they will start to discard them right about now. I could tell you all about why new year resolutions are a bad idea and how to do more with less. In fact, I might just do that, but not here and not today.

Today I am going to share a concept with you that I teach to my clients. One that amplifies the success of any goals you might want to achieve. Let’s talk about planned failure. If you are a perfectionist, the title alone might make you cringe, but you are exactly the kind of person that needs this. So often, I talk to people who never start a project or idea because they are afraid to fail. It might be starting a new business, or hobby, or journaling, or crafting art, whatever the target may be they never even start at go. Why is this true so often? Fear of failure is a real monster that kills all sorts of potential before it’s even born.

Good news! I have the remedy for that fear. It’s called planned failure. When you initiate something planning to fail, success is inevitable. This is true because if the worst potential outcome is realized then you’ve hit the mark you were aiming for, but if you do better than you expect your success is on a different level. Rather than holding a standard that you can’t fail, you can literally make failure the standard and then you can only succeed!

This concept was born in my life a couple decades ago when I played pool for the first time. Even now, I am not an exceptional pool player. For some reason, the first time I played I felt ridiculous pressure to be good. Something about the poker face of other players was intimidating and made me try too hard. Call it young naivety. So of course, I failed miserably and felt embarrassed. Then when I found myself wanting to play in a casual setting, I just started announcing that I was no good and would likely lose the game. With that low bar set, when I actually hit the ball I was aiming for or actually made a pocket, it was a huge success! It was also highly entertaining to friends who were experienced players.

I repeated this planned failure in my artistic pursuits. When I started painting with new tools or new ideas, I prepared for the outcome of nothing spectacular. I used lower value supplies and set my intention to be experimental with no need to perfect any part of my process. Sometimes I make uninteresting chaos but sometimes I make really cool art. The old perfectionist in me would have whined over wasted materials, wasted time, and wasted talent- if I couldn’t be good at all times. Now I don’t believe in waste. Even if I got an insignificant end result, I learned about the process. I might have learned how pouring paint feels, or how pressure on an airbrush needs to change to control the stream. All modes of learning are good in their own power.

So stop avoiding living your life over a fear that has no power over you. Fail! Do the thing and love the process as much as the outcome. If you practice planned failure, you will certainly level up in life.

Posted on in mindset, Success

The Truth About Self-Care

It’s become repeated so much that it’s almost nauseating to say, self-care. What is self-care and are you doing it wrong? Most people have the completely wrong idea about what this thing is and how to go about it. Let me help you see it a little differently.

The answers are usually similar when I ask, “what are you doing to take care of yourself?” Popular responses include, watching tv, taking a yearly vacation, walking the dog, eating something to sooth emotions, getting a pedicure, and going out to lunch with friends every couple of months. Some people are surprised to learn that none of that is self-care. Some of it qualifies as self-pampering and that’s an okay thing to do! Some of it is the opposite of care and is actually toxic and destructive.

So, what is self-care? Let’s look at this from another angle. If you were given sole responsibility of a small child for the day, what kinds of things would you do to take care of her? There are some obvious basics like safety and nourishment. That would get you by for a moment and is absolutely necessary care. Spend a little more time with your tiny tot and you will quickly realize she has needs for connection, affection, releasing energy, engaging imagination, learning, exploring her environment, etc. The care of a child is quite involved in order for her to thrive and flourish.

As an adult, you are the provider of self-care, or in other words, the sole responsible party to meet your basic care needs. You become, figuratively, the small child you are caring for and the responsible adult providing that care. Your self-care should look like the things you do every day to meet your physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. The occasional spa day or vacation can certainly contribute to that but it’s not enough alone! Imagine someone asking how things are going with taking care of your new little bundle-of-joy and you respond, “Well she got a massage last month and there is a family vacation coming up next summer she’s looking forward to.” That’s often the kind of mindset I encounter with self-care.

There is so much you can do for yourself. It comes down to individual decisions. Every choice you make throughout every day can contribute to your self-care being a healthy expression of self-love. Our needs are fairly consistent throughout life even though how we meet them can change.

So, how are you taking care of yourself today?

Posted on in Emotions, mindset

Triggered

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

This week I wrote a guest post on another blog. It was a simple encouragement about the possibility of overcoming social anxiety. This is an arena where I have a lot of experience and I have first-hand success in helping people overcome anxiety. There is a defining mindset that absolutely matters when trying to overcome any mental obstacle. What you believe matters.

This could not be more evident than when interacting on social media. People display what they believe in how they respond to any challenging thought. Some people become invested supporters because they see the vision. Others become boisterous opposition because they cannot accept anything that challenges what they believe. Those are the people who are clinging to excuses and are not yet capable of true change. Wouldn’t you know, they came for me when I suggested that anxiety can be overcome! How dare I offer to take away their crutches and show them how to walk!

Okay, I’m being slightly flippant while enjoying the show. I love how people say everything you need to know without speaking. This illuminated a concept for me that is too good not to share. Trigger safety matters.

Where you point the barrel matters. How you place your finger matters. Knowing your equipment matters. If we are talking about real guns, every part of gun safety matters. Who would argue that? Trauma and emotional regulation are a lot like holding a loaded gun. The second the trigger is pulled, your control ends. The bullet will hit what it was aimed at. You have to be prepared for the possible outcomes prior to the trigger pull.

Trauma loads a bullet. It becomes your responsibility to learn your equipment, maintain it in good working order, and always be aware of where the barrel is pointed. Your mind and body are the equipment. If left unattended, unkept, you become vulnerable to someone pulling your trigger. They say guns don’t kill people and there is always a person pulling the trigger. What does that say about trauma and our responsibility to heal?

I know it’s deep, inspiring, or maybe challenging to think about trauma in this way. Just like social anxiety, I believe you can overcome it. Healing is possible.

Posted on in mindset

Organization

Today there are 19 days of the month of April behind me. It would seem that I’ve lost track of time, or that I’ve been too busy, and so it feels as if time is moving quicker than it should. In reality, most of time is outside of our awareness. It takes discipline, and sometimes tools, to manage time. In fact, time management is one area where I’ve done a lot of work with people. It’s a common struggle to synchronize with time. Is it possible that this struggle exists because we are actually created to be timeless? I believe there is a deep, spiritual principal hidden in this mystery.

In any case, while we are present in this existence, we are bound by time. We are also responsible for managing physical matter; our bodies included, as well as our possessions and surroundings. If you’ve been present with me on social media this month, we’ve been talking about all these different aspects to organizing one’s life. It’s no small task!

Every level of organization starts with a single decision. It continues by each single decision. Don’t focus so much on huge milestones that you miss the simple steps which will carry you there. Underlying the organization of one’s life is the principle of minimalism. Now, I know there are those of you out there who will disagree with me. Some of you are very attached to your possessions and wouldn’t dream of minimizing what you carry in this life. You are welcome to accumulate and carry as much weight as you can hold. The fact is everyone has a limit. I am often working with people on decluttering and reducing material possessions because the outside environment has taken an ill effect on the internal environment (mind and emotions). True minimalism is a principle, a mindset, and lens through which you view the world. It’s not about reaching a magical number of photos, books, or kitchen mugs. It’s about loving what you have, that which is useful, and not attaching yourself to material possessions.

I could write a book on this topic! Maybe I will. If you are struggling with the organization in your life, whether it’s your thoughts, emotions, time, energy, possessions, relationships, etc., I am here to help you find your way. Connect with me if you’d like to go deeper.

Posted on in Identity, mindset

Trauma is a Buzzword

Everywhere from social media to mainstream media, people are talking about trauma. Like no other time in history, we have access to an abundance of trauma-informed care options that range from self-help to professional help. Even the term, trauma-informed, is a cultural norm in 2022. So where did all this trauma come from? Are there really so many people with trauma?

Traditionally, trauma was viewed as a major, life-altering, negative event. War, natural disaster, death, loss, divorce, abuse, etc. were all the well-known causes of trauma. Today, it seems like anything can be considered traumatic depending on what definition you apply to it. There is some truth to this. How we experience an event can mean much more than the event itself. That’s why a group of people can go through the same disaster and come out with very different effects. Yet, if state-of-mind determines if something is traumatic, then being stuck in trauma response would logically create more trauma with new situations. Seems like quite the cycle.

When I embarked on my journey as a counselor over a decade ago, my vantage point was a trauma-informed therapist. My own life story contains the pain which lead to me wanting to help others. Not only did I have first-hand experience, but I trained and studied in the various theories and modalities that would help me to help others the way I had been helped. At some point along the way, as trauma became a mainstream concept, I started to pull back from seeking out the trauma in others. Honestly, it is overwhelming to be aware of and intimately involved in the pain and healing process of others.

Recently, I have come to accept that the things which were healed in me, still exist in me. Even though triggers lost their power and coping was replaced by understanding, I am shaped by my experiences. Both the undoing and the rebuilding are mine. Life takes me through cycles where I find a sensitivity, I deconstruct the ideology which is causing me pain, I heal and define my own understanding, and I use it to help the next soul who is brought my way. Today, like so many years ago, my passion to heal the world starts with healing a newly uncovered part of me.