Category: Emotions

Posted on in Emotions, Identity, Personal Thoughts

Pt 3: Standing On My Own

Time is a fascinating concept. Anything can happen in slow motion or in the blink of an eye, the only difference being one’s perception in the moment. In this moment, it feels like some things are changing rapidly while others are moving painfully slow. A major contributing factor to my own perception is the work that’s already been done. Nothing spontaneously combusts. All of the proper elements must be in place to ignite, explode, and burn. It may appear as sudden, or unexpected, but truthfully it must be in progress before it can happen.

As the days pass by, I find myself swimming through deep oceans of thought, emotion, and experience. Every day looks different, even from one hour to the next. I’m no longer drowning. I’m remembering how to swim. Being on an island for so long, hanging on through massive storms, gave me a resilience I am now resting in. When my life first capsized, it was crushing being pulled under over and over again. Each break of the surface and every breath I would take, reminded me that I am alive, and I’ve survived many times.

So, I stood up. I decided that I can stand on my own, and I will. Only resistance is difficult. The moment you decide you can, and you will, then anything becomes a matter of simply doing the next logical thing and moving through each moment. Confidence is gained by stepping up to the plate and swinging until you hit. Once you’ve made a hit you just repeat that until the natural motions become the rhythm that your body knows, and the rest will flow. When you miss, you swing again. When you fall, you get back up. Sometimes what feels like a delay, or a mistake, is just what was needed for things to line up and give you a better chance. Change can bring freedom. It might not be easy but go live while you’re still alive.

Posted on in Emotions, Identity, Personal Thoughts, trauma

Pt 2: On The Floor

It happened sooner than I expected. If I’m honest, everyone expected it. Maybe it wasn’t sooner, but actually, long overdue. It’s somehow like having a houseplant in the window that you’ve watched slowly die over many years. At first, it was beautiful, alive, and brought you joy when you looked at it. Over time, it began to fade for a variety of reasons. Regular care became occasional splashes of water that might give it a little perking up but never actually nourished it. As it faded, you drew the blinds to hide the painful truth. The lack of sunlight and fresh air from the outside only allowed it to wilt more. At some point, you realized it was dead and unsalvageable. So, you kept the blinds closed, you quit attempting to water it at all, and you just accepted that it was lost. Yet, you left it there because you couldn’t bring yourself to throw it away. If you looked at it, you would remember fondly how beautiful it once was and how it made you feel when it bloomed. Sure, it only bloomed a handful of times but while it was still green you embraced the hope that it could bloom again. The more it faded the more foolish that hope felt and at some point, you traded hope for reminiscing. You stopped looking to the future and just wouldn’t let go of the past. Until the moment came, someone threw open the window, knocking the plant out of your reach and it shattered on the floor. The dry, exhausted plant laid shriveled up on the floor, roots exposed, surrounded by dirt too deep to just brush away, and shattered pieces of the beautiful pottery that once contained its essence now looking like total devastation.

I take in a deep breathe that feels like it’s crushing my soul in such a tight space in my chest. In this moment, I realize I am the plant. My world is shattered around me. The dirt is everywhere, too deep to even see through at this point. My roots lie in the open, forcing me to see every wound that contributed to the rot of my foundation. What was once alive, cared for, wanted, and beautiful, is a shadow of the past and resembles an identity that doesn’t look anything like the truth of the seed it grew from. I remember the seed. I look up at the ceiling and know I have to clean up this mess. Just for today, I will not worry about tomorrow, or think about yesterday, because I’ve been there for so long that I missed this moment for far too long. So long in fact, that the end of forever came suddenly, so it seems.

Posted on in Emotions, Identity, Personal Thoughts, trauma

Pt 1: The Descent

She let her mind go first, then her body followed. Understand, when a woman “let’s herself go” there is a slow, painful death of part of her soul that must occur before she can burry that pain deep in her body. It starts with a question. She deflects criticism and doubt as long as she can, until the question appears. It is a question of personal doubt, a confusion, a foggy reasoning, because her understanding of who she is and your revealed perception of who she is can’t both be true. She loves you, so she will doubt herself in order to cling tight to her beliefs about you. She believes you love her, you cherish her, and that you want to give her the world. How could she not believe all of that? It is what you promised, after all.

Then comes the tearing; her mind is split in two as if each truth can be hidden from the other. Then nobody has to be wrong, or a liar, or delusional. So, one side believes she is strong, capable, worthy of love, and will thrive. The other side believes you hung the moon, even as the light grows dim. She becomes two personalities, upkeeping both facades. She is your every dream. She is her own hero. Neither has to compromise for the other. A breathing, walking inconsistency.

Inevitably, there is a break down. You see through the facade. You call her out. She can’t accept it because it is the very thing that keeps her alive. She must deny the truth of the imposter she has become in order to not lose touch with the reality she has created. So, she dives deeper into the programming and pours her energy into being enough for everyone. She has never been enough for you, and she makes up for it by appearing to be more than enough to everyone. It’s exhausting, living out stories so grand, but she can’t stop, or she will lose touch with the character she has created to replace her weaknesses. She creates space between her and every offense, every rejection, every doubt, every criticism, and soon she finds that space hurts less than emotion. In the space she appears strong, independent, even admirable. So, she gets comfortable there.

Posted on in embodiment, Emotions, mindset

Healing the Body Through Stress-Response

When you are stressed-out, what does it feel like? Is your mind cluttered, bogged down, or racing? Is your body tense or exhausted? The particular combination of symptoms that we might experience with stress is different for each person and often different with each situation. Yet, we all experience stress at times with different levels of severity. So what is stress?

Physical stress is a form of strain or exerted pressure. As a building is constructed, there is stress on the structure as it bears the load of each layer. In physical mechanics it is necessary for stress to be balanced and dispersed so that there is no point over stressed and weakening the overall structure. This applies to the human body as well.

Only in the body, it’s not stress on steel beams or wooden floors from weight and tension. It’s a balance of chemicals and emotions that apply pressure to the physical structure of the body. Just as a broken screw can compromise a building over time, a broken neuroreceptor can compromise the physical health of the body over time. In both cases, the issue may not be apparent until something big enough strikes, like a hurricane- either of water or emotion, that overwhelms the system and causes it to fail.

Emotions are powerful. They have a great physical impact on the body. The ripple effect can alter hormones, neurotransmitters, and consciousness. If you want to take a deep dive, study the emotion to body connection and impact of serotonin, dopamine, gamma-aminobutyric, glutamate, and norepinephrine, just to get you started. Emotions can stem from the release of these kinds of chemicals, but they can also create the release when the body follows the action to thought pathway. There is a lot of research that reveals just how we can control the body through mindset and thoughts.

If any of this is new to you, I encourage you to get well acquainted with your body and the literature that teaches you how to take control and drive these processes. To change the world, I must first change myself. Go and do likewise. I’ve got resources to help you on your journey.

Posted on in Emotions, Personal Thoughts

RElationships, Love & Pain

A comforting scripture reference from my earliest childhood memories taught me that God keeps no record of our wrongs. From the silly mistakes to the outright rebellion, all is forgivable in God’s eyes. What a truly incredible concept. People certainly do not have that superpower. People often don’t forgive, and they never forget.

I’m blessed with a curse, some might say, in that I have the ability to see people through the eyes of Love. I know it’s a gift, but it sure has stirred up some people throughout my lifetime. I’m quick to forgive. I believe in reconciliation. I understand that a person is not defined by thoughts or actions alone.

So then, how do we handle the greatest of offenses? How do we live with what we can’t forget? My energy isn’t usually matched in willingness to let go and carry on when I value a relationship. I’ve even found myself caught in a triangle where two opposing parties won’t budge and so I end up hurt because any choice I make will cause friction. Man, it’s a painful place to live.

Lately, I’ve been thinking more about how the past is permanent. The words that have been said can’t be unsaid. Choices and actions, once committed, permanently alter the path forward. Of course, a change in direction is always possible. Yet, what’s done is done. We can hold on tight and allow it to dictate our existence. Or we can let go and make room for what could be.

In relationships, love trumps pain, if we embrace love. Sadly, some people are married to pain. Maybe there’s unhealed trauma blocking the road to forgiveness. Maybe pride won’t open the gate. Any obstacle in your mind is only keeping you from healing yourself and your relationships. Don’t let that be your story. Someday, you’ll be long gone but your story can bring healing in generations to come.

Posted on in Emotions

Art in the Park Festival

Therapeutic Art Workshops

Next week I’m bringing out the brushes and colors to get some expression flowing! Therapeutic Art is a technique in which we use the tools of artistry to express thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Human beings are creative and expressive by nature. Conflict and trauma can create blocks which cause us to limit our expression. Guided, therapeutic art can be a mode of emotional release. It can help with processing, seeking understanding, forgiving and letting go, or birthing and developing new ideas.

Saturday, June 11th, from 1-4pm, I will be set up at Harrison Smith Park in Upper Sandusky, as a vendor for the festival. We will have a workshop every hour where you can come paint with us! You can find the registration for this workshop HERE.

Posted on in Emotions, mindset

Triggered

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

This week I wrote a guest post on another blog. It was a simple encouragement about the possibility of overcoming social anxiety. This is an arena where I have a lot of experience and I have first-hand success in helping people overcome anxiety. There is a defining mindset that absolutely matters when trying to overcome any mental obstacle. What you believe matters.

This could not be more evident than when interacting on social media. People display what they believe in how they respond to any challenging thought. Some people become invested supporters because they see the vision. Others become boisterous opposition because they cannot accept anything that challenges what they believe. Those are the people who are clinging to excuses and are not yet capable of true change. Wouldn’t you know, they came for me when I suggested that anxiety can be overcome! How dare I offer to take away their crutches and show them how to walk!

Okay, I’m being slightly flippant while enjoying the show. I love how people say everything you need to know without speaking. This illuminated a concept for me that is too good not to share. Trigger safety matters.

Where you point the barrel matters. How you place your finger matters. Knowing your equipment matters. If we are talking about real guns, every part of gun safety matters. Who would argue that? Trauma and emotional regulation are a lot like holding a loaded gun. The second the trigger is pulled, your control ends. The bullet will hit what it was aimed at. You have to be prepared for the possible outcomes prior to the trigger pull.

Trauma loads a bullet. It becomes your responsibility to learn your equipment, maintain it in good working order, and always be aware of where the barrel is pointed. Your mind and body are the equipment. If left unattended, unkept, you become vulnerable to someone pulling your trigger. They say guns don’t kill people and there is always a person pulling the trigger. What does that say about trauma and our responsibility to heal?

I know it’s deep, inspiring, or maybe challenging to think about trauma in this way. Just like social anxiety, I believe you can overcome it. Healing is possible.

Posted on in Emotions, Spirituality

Therapeutic Art Workshops

Photo by Dan Cristian

Have you heard about Inspired Brush Strokes the new therapeutic art workshop I am offering? This is an amazing opportunity for community connection, emotional release, and Spirit filled worship through the gift of artistic expression. Don’t think you have artistic talent? Let me show you what you can do!

If you know me, you know I am an artist at heart! Some of my favorite expressive tools are music, paint, photography, and the written word. I use all of these and more in my work and personal environment. So often what I do with people is verbal; we talk. Language is a powerful tool for processing deep things. Sometimes, there is something deeper than words can express. Some pain that is buried may be too hard to speak of. Some joy that is under the surface needs a way to flow out! I have found that the fluid, malleable nature of paint is a perfect medium for wordless expressions.

God can touch the heart, in the depths of places where people can’t reach. Healing can happen in an environment of true worship and reverence to the Creator of the creative! That is the inspiration for Inspired Brush Strokes. It’s a partnership with the Holy Spirit in which we dive deep into worship and allow the fullness of free expression to flow through the brush. I have seen amazing things happen! People find peace and renewal. Chains of guilt, shame, condemnation and fear are broken. Healing happens and relationships are mended. Purpose is found. Grace is received.

This is a local workshop available to churches, businesses, and groups. If you would like to host a workshop and invite me to lead this experience, please contact me at sanders.connected@gmail.com

Posted on in Emotions

A Hellish Train Ride to a Desolate Place

Imagine you are on a train. The train is moving along smoothly, at a comfortable speed. The the motion is relaxing. Outside the windows there are beautifully unfolding landscapes; mountains, woods and rivers, an immaculate sky in the background. It is a peaceful, pleasant ride.

You are on the edge of your seat. Sweat is beading down your forehead and your whole body aches with tension. Your stomach is tight and you feel as though you might get sick. You are missing the beautiful landscape and the relaxing atmosphere of the ride. Instead, your neck is cranked so that you can see out the window and straight ahead. Every hill or shadow in front of the train makes you clench your fists tight to the seat cushion. Your anxiety is in full throttle.

Your greatest fear is experiencing a train crash. So instead of being present in the moment to enjoy a blissful ride, you are thinking about the “what ifs” and potential tragedy. It doesn’t matter that you are in a safe place with a near non-existent chance of actual danger. As soon as your brain recognized that just being on a train that is moving left a minute chance and opportunity for disaster, you locked onto that thought. You are actively watching for danger, of which you have no control to do anything about anyway.

Anxiety is a thief. Fear robs us of pleasure and enjoyment. You could be taking in the moment and noticing all the pleasant things about your experience. Instead, you are trapped way up high in your head, in a place that doesn’t actually exist – the land of hasn’t-happened.

What if you could be present on the train? What if you could see the sunset over the hills and notice how wonderful it really is? What if the dangers and disasters in your mind don’t have to take up space there anymore? You can choose presence and peace. I can help.

Posted on in Emotions

The Mess of Being Human

Everything you experience will be human. So you can only get as high as a human can fly and you can only go as low as a human can fall. We are never greater than what is possible. You are always enough as you are and you are worthy of all you can receive. Isn’t life so simple?

Let me tell you what it’s like for me; being human. Most of the time I am aware of myself. I own my thoughts and feelings. I respond to my internal guidance as well as the world around me. I see the target of my goals and execute the movements that will reach them. I feel accomplished, successful, and capable. From this vantage point, I lead others and enjoy my contribution of good to the world. That’s flying high.

Then there’s the raw experience of being both grounded and supernatural. Being human is having two feet; one in each world. The physical part is grounded in a physical world. It’s connection with nature, the sensations of connection with humankind, and an awareness of bodily needs. The spiritual nature of being human comes with awareness of something more than what we see. It’s faith, hope, and the experience of love. There’s no ego in the middle here. It’s just accepting what is.

Anything which can fly can also fall. This is polarity in action. If it goes up it must come down. This is where being human is messy. The height of emotional awareness and pouring good into the world requires balance and an overflow. Sometimes we lose our balance. It’s ok.

Let me tell you what it’s like for me; the falling. I can say it’s not often that I struggle with my thoughts or emotions. Of course, I walked a long road to get here and I’ve not always been so collected. Sometimes life is just too much to hold on my own shoulders. I walk with people daily; listening, feeling, sorting, offering reflections, and helping to lighten their load. Sometimes I don’t leave enough room for myself. Of course, I can’t predict when things outside of myself will become too heavy. I love many people and so I care deeply. When someone close is hurting, I feel it.

Unchecked emotions impact how I perceive the world and therfore respond to it. Here’s the good news; the moment I recognize there is disorder, I can execute movements to nurture and love myself back to order.

Emotional temperature check: how is what you’re feeling impacting your perception and reactions?