It’s a song by one of my favorite bands: Halestorm. It is also an ideal sentiment which introduces a topic I have been walking with for many years. A line in the song states, “The sweet escape is always laced with the familiar taste of poison.” This line captures two dimensions of addiction which I feel are defining to a battle that often consumes life.

Addiction is a symptom; a display of repeat behaviors connected to an underlying issue. Although the particular behaviors and choices can vary greatly from one individual to the next, the source of this drive is universal which is disconnect. Addiction is born in an abrupt loss of control and the symptomatic behaviors serve to sooth a perceived need for familiarity and comfort.

The Sweet Escape…

Anything I can become addicted to must provide an escape from discomfort. It is a thing; a substance, an emotion, a reaction, a connection, of some sort which provides pleasure and comfort that is stronger than a hurt I am experiencing. This is what we call the “high,” that something which elevates me above my pain. So in order to be eligible to become addicted, I must first experience emotional and physical pain.

I believe the key here is the “and” and not an option between the two. Sometimes physical pain such as injury is connected to an emotional loss or insecurity. Other times an emotional pain becomes so overwhelming that it creates physical effects. When pain connects the physical and emotional experience it trounces the entire being. If pain is merely physical there is an option of mind over matter so that it can be managed. When emotional experiences are merely feelings they can be compartmentalized into cognitive existence. It is when pain connects these two realms that it has the potential to become an unmanageable reality.

The Familiar Taste…

People naturally want to escape pain. It is common to any creature, including humans, to flee from pain or discomfort. It is a common, everyday occurrence that people utilize escapes both physically and emotionally. We seek out conversations with friends or family and sometimes professional support to escape the burden of emotions which are difficult to bear alone. We use medications to escape physical pain.

Humans are creatures of habit and succumb to what is familiar. I often say, you can’t change what you don’t know to exist. Any habit, action, or thought pattern which I am unaware of I am powerless to. So maybe power over addiction bears the necessity of understanding where the roots are. The “drug” isn’t the problem. The pain the drug is soothing is what must be healed. That takes work but so does avoidance. Avoiding conflict does not remove the conflict. It simply moves it inside where you work hard to bury it. Either way, you are expending the energy of fighting. 

I believe defeating addiction comes through giving pain purpose. I’ve come to understand through my own trauma and healing that my pain is a part of my experience and my experience has shaped who I am. Although I do not take ownership of the actions which caused my trauma, I can accept that my pain was my unique response to those circumstances. It tells of who I was before by how I responded and lead me to who I am now by how I recovered. If existence is passive then living is active. By choosing to live I accepted responsibility for my healing process, my response to opportunity for growth, and my need for healthy change. You don’t have to exist defeated by circumstance; you can choose to live.