As a child I loved stories. I loved to read stories as much as I loved to write my own. My first published story was titled “The Purple Plum Tree” and I was in the third grade when I wrote it.

My own story became one of heartbreak and loss when I was just an adolescent girl. I had so much hurt which I did not author and could not erase from my life. So I resented my own story and severed that passion to protect my heart. Decades later I would learn that there is great healing in following passion because in that passion lies purpose. 

I stopped writing stories. Then I stopped reading them, too. I became resentful when I would hear someone else’s story. Maybe it was envy that stirred that bitterness because my own story was silenced. Maybe I was trying to lose the identity that I associated with pain. In doing so, I lost myself. Something interesting happens when you become lost; you wander but you don’t disappear. 

True passion never dies. It waits. It fights to break free at the slightest light breaking through into the darkness where it is hidden. There was a season in my life of personal revelation and growth. I was forced to read a book called To Be Told by Dan. B. Allender, Ph.D. for a class I was attending. *Spoiler Alert* It is a book about stories! In that moment, in the foothills of the Blue Ridge Mountains in Virginia, I encountered people who changed my life by allowing me to tell parts of my story that had never been authored before. My soul was shaken in that season and the hard ground of my heart was watered and my passion broke forth. I was left with a longing to live my story.

The journey of self discovery I have been on since then has lead me to a realization. I actually have three stories. They are; What I Am, Why I Am, and Who I Am. 

What I Am, has been a mystery to me for most of my life. This is my DNA; the physical components which have constructed my form and made me human. I come from a unique family in which both of my parents were adopted. In the last couple years I have begun to explore that part of my history. An analogy; You may see a standing, tall oak tree. That tree would not be there if not for an acorn and that acorn had fallen from another oak tree. If a sycamore seed had fallen you would find a different tree. You call the tree by the name of it’s characteristics which share a common lineage. There is a story behind what I am, my characteristics. I am short, with blue gypsy eyes, and a glowing red in my auburn hair that must come from somewhere.

Why I Am, is the story I know best. This is the beliefs, values, and examples that have been given to me from my parents, family, and others. It’s the long version answer to “Why I do the things I do.” It’s the version of my story which I rejected for so long. If our acorn falls in a forest, the oak will root deep and grow tall. It will hold nests and burrows and have a purpose in being home. If that acorn falls in a sidewalk it will grow much differently. It’s purpose may be shade for a home instead. Why I am the way I am is because of an environment and the nurturing of  people in my life. Sometimes the what and the why stem from the same introduction but in my particular story one has not much to do with the other. As I’ve walked through my life, I’ve come to realize that this story includes sorrow and pain, as well as joy and success, but it is all part of my story.

Who I Am, is the reason for all the rest. It is the essence and purpose of my existence. Who I am came forth through generations of “what” and was placed into the circumstances of “why” in order to develop the revelation of Who I am in this moment of my life. In the oak analogy, the Who is much more than an oak or any characteristic of the environment or the acorn itself. It is the germ of the seed which has carried on through every generation back to the original. You see, Who I am was predestined from long before the first oak tree.

“According as he hath chosen us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before him in love: having predestinated us unto the adoption of children by Jesus Christ to himself, according to the good pleasure of his will, to the praise of the glory of his grace, wherein he hath made us accepted in the beloved.” Ephesians 1:4-6 KJV

Every part of my story was written to point to who I am. And who I am points to who Jesus is. Despite all the hurt, rejection and failure of my own life and the generations before me; my life is full of love and redemption. God is love. 1 John 4:8. Christ is the Redeemer. Galatians 3:13.

I am living my story.